You're at the gates of heaven. What do you think St. Peter will say to you?
by 
SalientAlien
ANSWERS: 100
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well, nothing. i don't think the man exists in that form.
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go back and try again.
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You,re a bit late Kat...
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For gods sake child you're in the presence of god take off that DAMN slayer shirt.
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"...is this... some kind of a joke?!"
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" How in the #### Did you get here?"
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We're only letting you in because of your wife, frankly. ((St. Peter looks disgusted, then continues...)) *I* rated you DOWN, just so you know.
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"I'm sorry sir, but you can't come in without a coat and tie."
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common, you gotta be kidding me.
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Ahh i knew you'd correct your ways. (at least thats what i hope he says)
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I think you took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
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Hopefully I will live long enough to make a good impression so I am prepared to enter the agets of heaven, if I was to and successful fuifill my dream of being a doctor I hope he would say, and you were the super dooper doctor who helped people and shared your knowledge with others efficently and effectively. Good Job. Well a girl can dream that something like that would be said right..lol
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"I am sorry but your name is not in my book of life!"............(an intense pause as he smiles at me)....."just kidding!"
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Would you step to the back of the line please.
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You're more Muslim than Christian, so I think I can share a little secret with you: This is just where all those depraved rich Catholics go after they give all their money to the church, the real action's on the next floor, 'Islamic virgin sex orgies'. Have fun!
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OMG, he's here!
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He'd say: 'hmm... lets see here. Oh Athiest! Lovely. I've always wanted to do this.' He then takes my hand and drags me over to a place called 'Christian Cornor'. All the Christians turn, and St. Peter writes on my head in black marker pen 'Athiest'. They all start lauhing, and then all shout in unison 'Told Ya So!'
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No shoes, no shirt, no service... can't you read the sign?
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we have the right to refuse service to anyone...
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"You don't belong uphere!"
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"oh, um, i didn't expect you to reach this far. Boy, this is akward...can you...go away please? K THANKS!" yeah, just like that
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When I get to the gates, St. Peter would look at me, laugh and say "You gotta be kidding, NEXT"
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You're dreaming. Yoooooouuuu'rrrreee drrrreeeeeaaammmmiiiinnnnnggggg. OOOoooOOooooohh. Now turn around and go back. Drrrrreeeeeaaaammmmmiinnnnnggggg.
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"maybe we can sneak you around back"
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"Hello you limey braggard. How in Heaven's name did you get up here?" "Oh I do so hate filing errors."
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First of all St Peter has outsourced the gate work in heaven to a group in Belize. Second, if St. Peter was working the door he would lift the velvet rope and say "Duuuude" I would reply "Awesome, kegger?" Pete would say "Cloud 147, microbrew night" My reply would be "Awesome"
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"See what happens when you take hallucinogens?" OR "I think there has been some mistake."
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Well if im at the gates of heaven it won't be St. Peter greeting me...nah...if it's heaven it would have to be St. Bob Marley... he be like, aye! aye! Yo Sunblynd bradder mon! U shor take yo sweetass time gittin up in da clouds mon, no worries mon, we gotts plenty of ho-ny's and loads off Ganja, aye itz Heven mon, yo best be gettin yo ass thru dem gates in a hurry wyle I giv de rest of dee's cracker's tha bad news yo, praise Ja! --Not really Stableboy...actually this is the first; http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/60883
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"Oh dear...it looks like your subscription to LIFE has expired."
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"Oops sorry accedentaly hit the up button."
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your stupid but you're in
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"No jeans allowed mate."
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No matter how hard you tried, you still wound up here, huh?
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192 dollars a night sir.
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Oh-my-GOD!!! Someone's actually coming!
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St. Peter says ' OK, your here, but to enter you must answer this question correctly. Now, a man got on a train from Cleveland to New York City that was travelling at 55 mph, and another man got on another train from Denver to Los Angeles that was travelling at 60 mpg....................
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Wow we really are lowering our standards.
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Bathroom's that way...
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Welcome.
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It was rocky there for a second. We made an exception and COUNTED your mother's vote.
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if ya names not on the list ya not coming in!
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umm...no
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mi casa es su casa
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"And you reckon we will let just anyone in here do you. There are admittance requirements you know. "
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What do we do with pastafarians? www.venganza.org/
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"you made it then"
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I pray he will say COME IN and welcome your husband and son are waiting for you ( Good thing they kept a space its getting crowded in here with all these ABers)
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WELL NOW! IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH! Do you know how many animals have been waiting about for you to get here?
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"you know what, just turn aroud. there you go. now start walking and don't stop" or whispers "i could make an exeption for five dollars."
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You can't bring all those animals with you, you know? And I'd say.... But there aren't any! I just smell like a pet shop! Really! (As a hamster jumps out of my pocket.)
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welcome home
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Sorry you have to go back to earth and live your life over again, but this time you get to keep all your children.
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Hi, Tom. welcome to Heaven. Let's get together some time.
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How did you make it this far?
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Oh, It's you.
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What are you doing here? You belong on the earth!
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"Will you get your butT up now?....(5 minutes later)No really... I have things to do, now come on!.... (10 minutes later)... Look! I have to get to work, the kids are home from school, and you need to get your butt out of bed and keep an eye on them! Now GET UP!" (Thought it was kind of wierd that Peter had a woman's voice)
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You don't belong here, get back down to the earth. I don't see your name on the guest list of 144,000, beat it.
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Trick question; I am IMMORTAL! BWAHAHAHA!!!! Seriously though, he'd probably say something more along the lines of, "Do you believe now?".
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welcome,i'm glad you straightend up.
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"And you are?"
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He'll proably scratch his head and say: Girl you just made it! - Pattijo
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"Looks like you were wrong"
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f#$% off. I've seen some of the crap You've done. selfish kid.~sorry I'm feeling really bad about myself.
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you are in soooo much trouble im glad your comfortable on your knees....keep prayin
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"sorry, wrong destination"..hehehe
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A sign on the gate "out to lunch" "be back in 5" then I'd sneak in. then border patrol will pick me up and kick me back out.
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"Give me one good reason to let you in-- no, make that twenty."
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You are going back as a grasshopper.
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what the f*** are you doing here???
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"Are you going to come in this time or run away laughing again?" (i never like to limit my options) ;~)
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Sorry, but you must be this tall to get on the ride... Should of ate your vegetables
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It's a misconception that Peter will be at the gates of Heaven. It comes from the scripture where Christ says to Peter that he has been given the keys to kingdom- which means he was given the Word, the knowledge needed to make it to heaven.
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You are in the Book of Life! *erase-erase* I shall ask God to write in perfect cursive from now on.
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HEY! YA YOU! NO iPODS ALLOWED! "Kids these days..." Didnt GOD tell you that you are not supposed to bring any goods?
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"You may of gone astary......... but you did good. You are welcome here my friend." But he's not there, so what the hell? =P
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Welcome to paradise dude!
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Did you bring my burger this time? I'll send you back down till you get it right, damnit! :)
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Come in.
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you are a whore. next. *the chute opens to hell*
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WHAT is your name? WHAT is your quest? WHAT is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
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Even the hottest flames of hell and damnation are too good for you. That haveing been said, welcome by the grace of Jesus Christ.
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'Could have tried better.. we will let you in.. but you need to work harder in the future' :P
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St. Peter: So, you're the one who's replacing me? Me: (A)
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what the....I'm gonna let you in but you're going to have to do one good deed on earth. you have 24 hours. Then you will get to go see tupac, capche?
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COME ON IN. THIRD times the charm. You really got that reincarnation thing working for you now! Of course your wife cleared the gates in two tries!
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WOOOPS!
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St P: Name? Me: Ahh..tripwire St P: Purpose of visit? Me: Whut? St P: What are you deaf? I said,... Me: Yeah yeah, I heard ya the first time.. St P: Well? Me: Uhhmm, to spend eternity in peace and.. St P: Hah! You're a regular Don Rickles ain't ya? Me: No I.. St P: 3 day pass!! Next!! Me Hey wait a minute! What the f... St P* What? Were you just about to use the "F" word here? Me: NO... *lightning strikes* St P: Hey don't lie to me kid, alright? This is heaven here y'know? Me: Okay, I was! Alright? Y'happy now? St P: 2 day pass! Me: God damn it, stop doing that! St P: 1 day pass!!!!! Me: Why you slimey little mutha.... St P: Okay, get him outa here!! Yo Micheal! Mike! get this guy outa here!!!...
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Man, it was close there for a while, but after God kicked your tail a few times, you did straighten up ... barely! Come on in! Psst! By the way ... your Grandpa is sitting under that tree on the hill, waiting to share an Apricot brandy with ya.
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Go to hell im full!
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Even the big guy ( GOD) thinks you go overboard with forgiving people. But we could use a new doormat, so lie down over there.....
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nothing because he wont be there
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"Oh, for the love of- who keeps SENDING me these people?" He then stands and points to an elevator. Then, in a voice that suggests he's speaking to a 3 year old, or someone who doesn't speak his language, says: "You go dooown. See? Doooown." ____________________________Edit________________________________ Or He looks around and says: "Okay, where's the hidden camera?" Sorry I just had to add that :P
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Hello MOTO we've been waiting for you here's the broom.
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I see you made it before the devil knew you was dead.
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Were you really trying?
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oh dear..i think we've made a mistake..
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Sorry buddy....you're not on the list.
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"DUDE yeah errr there seems to be a bit of a COMM-U-NI-CA-TION error....they err... well they kind of sent you to the wrong place.....Your sorted destined for the Poking And the stabbing And the Anal Rapage" me "Balls"
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Jesus! u need a haircut. And put out that cigarette!
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