My fiance won't marry me unless I completely clear out my $10K debt, is that a valid reason?
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Trendsetter
ANSWERS: 95
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Absolutely.
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If you don't she'll probably pay it off for you, divorce you, and stick you with alimony that will cost more than the ten grand.
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If he truly loved you, he would want to help you not give you ultimatims!!
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i'll go with Ramona....
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Sounds fair to me. You should be an asset to the marriage (it's not just about love and lovemaking) not a liability.
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Yes, it is a valid reason. Such a debt would be a strain on a relationship and why enter into shaky ground, as all new marriages are, with added stress? Not to mention clearing that debt would be a good faith step forward letting you fiancee know that their opinion/request means something to you.
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H##l,yeah.
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Yes. If you're not financially responsible to get out of debt, then he may be afraid of what you will do when you two are married and you have access to his finances.
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It happened to me, I married someone in debt and ended paying it for her. I am still paying her debt after we are divorced. that's what I get for trying to be a good man and take care of my new family. You should never get married to a person in debt. It is a bad start and shows financial irresponsibility.
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I would not get myself that far into debt. Even if I did, I would not expect the person I was going to marry to bail me out of a mess I got myself into. Once we were married, the debt would become his as well as mine, and nobody should expect other people to fix something they had nothing to do with. That's a bad start to a relationship.
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Maybe it's not the most romantic thing, but.... not to be offensive, but i think he's doing the right thing. hes probably just trying to help you get everything back on track. and besides, you love him.. right? you're his fiancee, after all... you shouldn't have to break up over this.
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I think your fiance is very wise, why start off a marriage already in debt, it will only cause fights.
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Yes, it is a valid reason. He would become legally responsible for your debt upon marriage. That's highly unfair. Not to mention, once your credit is joint, you'd have a hard time getting a mortgage, loans, or any other type of credit card. Again, completely unfair to him. If you love him, do whatever you have to do to get that debt paid off!
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Good credit is one of the most important things you can possess in today's world. I have no idea what kind of debt your $10,000 consists of, or what your credit rating is, but paying off the debt will make your credit report look a lot better, for one thing. If his credit is good and yours isn't, his will be affected the instant he marries you. Add to that the burden of taking that debt into a new marriage and it's not a nice start. Also, if you can cut your spending and pay off your debt, you are showing him that you can be financially responsible. That's important in life and especially in a marriage! I don't know all the details, but he sounds like a responsible guy who wants to make sure you can be a responsible wife. Very prudent of him, I think.
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Well, here's the thing: She might ask that and love you, but, chances are if she asked that, she isn't "in love" with you. But, anyway, I suppose it's a valid reason. Now is your chance to think of something she should do in return. Like, maybe get her to sign a contract for daily bj's for 10 years.
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Yes. If you are to be together, than it's something you should tackle together, but yes, they are absolutely right not to want that on their credit, and it seems a realizable goal that should be pursued.
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Yes. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FspHU8hOxhY&feature=related
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yes hes right because how does he know yuu wnt get in even more debt with his money?
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It sounds like a reasonable reason to delay marriage - if you see it more in terms of "My fiance wants to wait until we are both financially stable until we start planning a wedding and a life together" (which after all, is a further financial commitment on top of what you already have.). Then it doesn't look quite so bad - you say fiance, rather than boyfriend, so clearly he has already made some form of commitment to marry you otherwise you wouldn't be engaged - it's just that he wants to wait until the best time to do it. That doesn't sound so unreasonable to me.
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It is a very good reason for him to feel insecure, take it from someone who knows. You can start to become very papanoid and feel like he isn't doing enough to help you. Take care of your debt first then plan a wonderful wedding.
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It's good to take care of debt before marriage. It is better for both of you as it will take the stress off of marriage, which is a big job. But he still sounds a bit prick-ish.
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I would say its responsible for him to do that considering it will effect his credit. But, if he's being rude about it, that's what I would be more concerned about.
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I'm in the same situation.....except I have $60k in student loans.
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It sure is.
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Yes!!! It is a perfectly valid reason! Having poor credit is one of the wprst things you can bring into a marriage. In fact, my husband and I don't buy ANYTHING that has both of our names on it. If one person falters, you still have the other one to fall back on.
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No, it is not. darn it with these materialistic answers! It says something about our society. A well thought-out plan to do it is a reasonable thing to discuss, or perhaps even a reasonable thing to demand, but to demand exectution as a pre-requisite to marriage puts the whole thing too much into a materialistic plane.
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Absolutely and be grateful that she/he is making you take responsibility for your own actions
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It can take a very long time to pay off $10,000. But I think it would be prudent to make sure you will be dedicated, responsible and disciplined before marriage. What are you willing to give up in order to get that paid. Life throws us curveballs. You can't always stay out of debt. But you need to be willing to do without in order to get debt paid off. Your fiance needs to know that you will do that.
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has she got a perfect credit history? sounds a little bit tough to me if she is really worried about money she can arrange a 'pre-nup' contract before you marry to protect her (and you) from losing too much if you ever get divorced....
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I disagree with that... My husband had more debt than that when I married him. I knew his situation going into it.. but i married him because I love him -- not because of his financial situation.
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Yes. When you marry, that debt becomes their problem to deal with. Having poor credit can raise your insurance rates, make it harder to get a home loan, cost the two of you interest on top of the money owed. It can put an extra financial burden that isn't necessary on the two of you.
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Does he have debt? Are you both working? Do you plan to continue working after you marry? Are you currently making monthly payments to pay off the debt? If you are making payments, tell him that you plan to continue making the payments (out of YOUR paycheck) after you marry. If he can't trust you will do that, then what does that say about his feelings toward you? A marriage without trust won't be a long one, in my opinion. Finances are important, but shouldn't decide the course of one's love life.
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The majority of couples who divorce is a result of money. Try watching Til Debt Do Us Part on the Slice network.
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Oh yah in this days, it makes sense. Especially if he makes a little money and consider that amount is too huge for him to handle.
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I don't know... my fiance married me and my debt is worse. But he's not held responsible.
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I would say "YES" it is a valid reason. She still wants to marry you, but doesn't want the debt. Try compromising with her and at least reducing the debt..see what she says.
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I cant say whether that is a valid reason or not but... I was in the same position as you with student loans and it turns out that the "you need to clear out your debt" thing was just another excuse in a SEA of other excuses NOT to get married. The thing is, he just wasnt really ready to get married. So it didnt matter what the issue was, there was always an excuse not to marry me. I am happily married now and he is still living in his parent's basement to this day so I am pretty sure the issue wasnt with MY student loans. ;) Not sure if that is your situation but if this is a "condition" that he is putting on you in order to get married then I think that is BS. Once you clear out your debt, there will only be another excuse to follow it...
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Yes, it is a reasonable concern. Is that kind of debt going to be detrimental to your livelyhood? If you really love someone, then you should not be over emphasizing finance... Its reasonable to assume she doesn't to take on your debt, but lets get serious: as a married couple, you are going to share lots and lots of debt at least sometime in your marriage.
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hahaha god damn right thats a valid reason your credit must be really bad atleast when you guys want or need to get something or do something where your credit is looked at you guys can use his/hers when you get married it brings both of you down like that freecreditreport.com commercial where the guy sings that his wife and him are now living in her parents basement cause he didnt know she had bad credit when they tied the knot
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It is to me. Neither party should enter into a marriage if one of you consider it as an issue. That way should down the line the two of you have a problem with debt, it will be debt the two of you created.
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Yes it a valid reason, I used to be a financial adviser and having such a big debt in the being would cause problems in the future. Once married your debt becomes his debt, and how would it work out when you cant buy a home together. Just remember the number one cause of divorce is because of money issues.
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From my standpoint, yes because she wants to feel financially stable..there i nothing wrong with that in my opinion. If u love her enough, u'll do it lol
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I also believe that he should help u like someone else said.
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Have you been irresponsible, are currently irresponsible, and plan to continue to be irresponsible? That might be a valid reason not to marry someone.
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You have $10 K of debt? Yeah, I wouldn't want to be marrying you, either. It is possible that he is using that as an excuse to put off the wedding, too.
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He may not want to be legally stuck with your debts.
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It might be a sign that you two aren't really compatible. Views on money and Money troubles can make or break a marriage.
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It's probably not so much about the money that concerns him but more like your attitude towards spending. If you think you have a spending problem then it might mean that he wants to see you change by proving that you could save and get rid of the debt. This guy wants to marry a person who could manage money wisely so as to set the initial foundation stone to a prosperous family life in future.
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First off you don't marry debt (generally). You do marry a spendthrift. Most assets you accumulate together after marriage can be attached but it will be based upon a percentage. Obtaining financing could be difficult if it also depends upon his/her income and debt. Bottom line, sounds like your partner just doesn't want to get hitched.
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Son, if ever there were a red flag, that's it. As far as I'm concerned, she's more interested in your bank account than she is in you. I woud drop her so fast her empty lil head would spin!
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I would say he is being practical. He doesn't want to have anything to do anything about your current debt. My personal opinion though, marriage must be unconditional, you marry a person for one simple reason you love him/her, whatever baggage that person may carry. Others even take it farther, they marry people even if they know their sick like with HIV.
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If that's what she wants, and you want to marry her ... that's the deal.
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Yes it is
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Provided he is debt free also, then I think thats completely reasonable. Its about responsibility and starting as you mean to go on.
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Maybe he wants you to prove that you can behave responsibly. Better to make a clean start in your marriage so you can obtain a mortgage loan etc. If your'e serious about financial disipline and making a success of your marriage you shouldn't have a problem with clearing your debt.
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Pay off your debt and then marry him. He sounds like a fiscally responsible guy.
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financial matters are supposedly the number one cause of marital problems so i say that is a damn good idea on his part that will pay dividends for both of you later. Better that he be upfront with you now than for you to get married and fight about your debt (which becomes his debt).
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yes it is a valid reason
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yes, b/c s/he doesn't want to bear burden of your debt. i think that's more than fair.
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I wouldnt either. That speaks volumes about your self-control. You have none. He is totally in the right on this. Basically, if he marries you, guess who winds up paying for your past debts? you guessed right....him.
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He's supposedly being careful but to tell you to clear it before you guys marry. I don't know about that. I wouldn't feel comfortable marrying a guy if a $10K debt would stand in the way of a lifelong relationship. I would expect him to help you not threaten you with it.
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yes it is
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yes it is, i wouldnt marry anyone with a debt like that
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depending on how you incured it... however it means he does not intend your finances to be shared. in my book man and wife are one in all possible aspects. if money impedes marriage then his reason faor marriage is different than mine.
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yes it is , or at least you should show her that your responsible by starting to pay some of it off
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yes, when you get married, your debt becomes his. That could ruin your marrige
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i would wonder if i was as important as money to him bet hes no debt free either
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yes and no! once you get married, that becomes community debt, so yes its fair that they ask for it to be reduced. BUT, it also seems like this person is planning ahead for the divorce and that is VERY concerning!
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no offense but, i think for your fiance, you should come first if your fiance really loves you. love should have no conditions...
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She sounds pretty wise. If you do clear your debt, and if she does marry you, I'd let her handle the finances.
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Well what kind of person are they? Are they a "all you need is love" kind of person or are they more about having stability and such? Its a valid reason if they are someone who wants financial security and doesn't want the burden of debt. Debt is scary and frusterating, which i'm sure you know. But if this person doesn't have any, or has already finished paying it off, maybe they don't want all that stress back. I'm sure that in thier mind, they are just being realistic. Nobody wants to go into a marriage with a guarnteed burden. Maybe they want to start fresh, as to not burden the relationship with money issues.
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Sure it is, she doesn't want half of your debt... Once you marry her it becomes a joint debt.
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are you sure that's the real reason? punch that debt out and find out. if there is another problem after that, walk away.
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...
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Most marriages end because of money issues and stress related to money that affects other areas of their life. $10K is a lot of money, I think it is a valid reason to put off the marriage... Your fiance should be trying to advise you and help, but it's your debt, and unfair to put it into their hands.
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I'm going to say yes simply because when you get married, that debt becomes related to him. No one would be excited to start off a marriage in debt. Peace.
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If he loves you he won't mind HELPING, as in not paying off...you would do the same for him, right? He is family and you DO THOSE THINGS FOR FAMILY!!!
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Sure. It sounds smart on his part.
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S/he might contend that s/he is forcing you to be a better person but I would beware. I would see this as a sign that s/he will be controlling and be forever trying to change you, to mold you into his/her image of what they want you to be. My advice is to tread carefully and not jump into marriage with this person too lightly.
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its a very smart thinking with there head but again it should matter if ur marryed or not if it's still in ur name
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He wants to start life with you and only you. Clean slate so to speak. Debt is a huge issue and a source of constant stress in any marriage. I think your fiancee is being very responsible and that it is a valid reason to hold off.
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It would benefit you! Maybe she is smart and is just buying some time not to rush things...
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Sounds like you two are already worlds apart. A spender and a saver will always have issues that will go far beyond your ten thousand mistakes.......do not marry them and find someone else who is careless with money so both out you can be happily ever in debt.
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Yes, it is a valid reason.
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very valid. why should he ruin his credit
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Yep, if you two are planning to own a home or anything during your marriage then it's a smart move to clear the debt before the I do's. +4
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Sure Is ... IF he marrys you while you have all that debt ; then HE assumes that responsability and the creditors can come after him IF you default .. or you two break up etc .. SMART man !! +5
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Yes. It is wise to go into a marriage with a clean bill of debt. Financial problems cause divorce and you do not want to start a marriage that way.
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yes-because then it'd be his debt too.
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i don't know, but it sure is funny!
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It's a sensible reason, and nowadays, sadly yes, quite valid.
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Indeed it is. Being able to hande your finances is a very basic part of maintaining a household. Your lives are about to get much more expensive, paying for a wedding, and honeymoon, and the most expensive thing of all; Having children. One partner's financial failing is the failing of the whole family.
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Yes, it's a completely valid reason and very reasonable, too.
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+ i would not marry someone that far in debt but i am older than you probably and if a man cannot manage his finances are this late stage in the game then well i would rather be single.
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if he/she thinks so then yes. if it is about the money then they are messed in the head because wether you pay it off before or after the wedding, the joint money is the same, the only difference is the extra wait before the wedding. but if it is about proving financial responsibility then it is reasonable.
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