How do you stop being a miserable, self-absorbed, sad, lonely person?
by 
totally_confused
ANSWERS: 35
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First of all, realize that, just as you are, whether you're a miserable old git, or a little ray of sunshine, in a very deep way you are fine as you are - either way. You are who you are and you don't need to live your life according to other's ideas of how it should be (or even your own). When we stop comparing ourselves to others, having unreal expectations of ourselves, or buying into to our internal dialogue that tells us that we are not good enough, then we can at least begin to realize that who we are is perfectly valid as it is and then the self absorbtion naturally starts to evaporate.
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First of all I'm sure you're not half as bad as you think. Secondly, though, look outward. Seek to do kind things for others as often as you possibly can. Write small notes, encouraging them, or telling them how much they mean to you. In conversations, ask ALL the questions. You'll be surprised how fulfilling those kinds of exchanges can be (unless they're what you're used to doing, and then they're just frustrating). Give small gifts, randomly and for no other reason than, 'you were on my mind.' Your kindness will cheer you up, because I believe it truly is 'better to give than to receive.' It will keep your focus outward, and people will be drawn to you, so you'll never (or hardly ever) be lonely again. :) I hope this helps.
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If you find out let me know. I know someone who could do with the answer ;)
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Thanks, Zenmonk! I too have always considered poetry at least as about as serious an act as any other!
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The first step is realising your problems then you can start working on them.
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What I did was got a divorce.
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Get a puppy or a friend.
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Don't stop, you would have by now if you really wanted to. Just do it if you really want to, but you don't, really do you. I think you like it....
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Stop thinking inward and start thinking outside yourself and your problems. As soon as you make other people more important or at least their troubles are, you will be able to get some satisfaction in helping them. Volunteer, spend time helping people, Visit hospitals, join hospice, do chores for housebound people. Help your friends with some big project. Work with animals or charity organization. Just don't dwell on yourself. Don't worry about analyzing what's wrong with you. The answers will come if you need them as you are helping other people.
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some people might say Christ is the answer, I say that sounds like symptoms of being unemployed
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MEDICATION!!!! If you've been experiencing depression all your life, your body probably doesn't produce enough serotonin. However, studies have shown that 30% of women are helped by taking calcium and that the majority of people with depression who started exercising improved (exercise increases endorphins). Honestly, I've tried doing the "mind over matter" & "express my feelings" thing, but it really didn't help. I'd rather be happy and on meds than off and seriously depressed.
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I can tell you what worked for me. first I smiled at the small stuff. even when i didn't feel like smiling. seeing the first robin of the spring, hearing a child laugh. things that are wonderful that we take for granted but are gifts. then i smiled at other people in the store and exchanged pleasant words whenever possible. when i was ready for the next step i called friends tht I had't spoken to and reopened the door to our friendship. i read things that would help me learn about living a better life and i wrote things that helped me learn about me and what was truly important to me. each day when i experienced a positive step - no matter how small, i took a moment to bask in the victory. when you are ready for more - go out and help other people. volunteer for something that you think you may find rewarding. nothing will cure self absorbtion than helping other people that are less fotunate than you.
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Seriously Big Daddy, why comment if your not going to be helpful? What kind of life are you leading to have the thoughts and quesitons you do? Who are YOU to to confuse an already confused and fragile person who is reaching out for help? Unfortunately your mother has not taught you manners and consideration for other peoples well being. It's a shame to be honest. The most unfortunate part is this person already has reached the bottom, they don't need your help....MY comment on your questions is...recover from what ever is holding you back, if you need to fogive, than take the steps, if you need to vent, than turn to your passion to release it...and most of all if you need to talk, talk to GOD, he's never steered me wrong. Good Luck Sunshine!
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Affirm to yourself that you really WANT to change and set a plan in motion to do just that! You must define your life. . . . .for yourself! None of us knows the person you are; only YOU DO! But you're off to a good start just with your query!
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Visualize what kind of person you want to be instead. You need the motivation to achieve the positive alternatives to all of that. Once you have that, you will automatically do what is necessary to achieve the reality of it.
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My therapist suggested self-hypnosis. I'm currently studying it. I'll let you know how it works out.
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Start with the obvious. Christ can change any life. Beyond that, give of yourself. No matter how badly off you are, there is always someone in worse shape. Volunteer organizations are always short handed. There are so many people who need help. When you see how badly off others are, you are more likely to count your blessings. When you help them, you build REAL self esteem. You can value yourself because you are doing something good, not because someone praised you. And you get out around other nice people, so you won't be lonely. The kind of people who volunteer to do hard work to help others are usually really good people. http://www.samaritanspurse.org/ http://www.habitat.org/ http://www.narha.org/ http://www.lionsclubs.org/EN/index.php http://www.salvationarmyusa.org/usn/www_usn_2.nsf http://www.rotary.org/
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by trying to stop being so miserable,self absorbed ,sad , lonely.....get a herb and vitamin manual and study the ones that will help with mood and serontonin levels..there in there...and they do work ..the key is your "attitude " has to work with them...everybody needs sunshine and excercise....talk to birds, get a dog....i can empathize, but i also know , nothing can help if u dont help yourself...JUST DO IT ...I DID...and i slid back sometimes for a few hrs...but i get myself back out, and its been many yrs.since...i made myself miserable, self absorbed,sad and lonely..but i refused always nerve drugs...they have been proven to deteriorate the nerves over yrs. where u can never function without....and i made the right choice...:)
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Here's the secret: focus on helping the other miserable, self-absorbed, sad, lonely people. It takes your mind off of yourself, and you'll realize there are always people worse off than you.
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I haven't found a way yet. I just try and get out there in the real world as much as possible and pretend I want to be part of it. I sometimes get myself believing I'm one of those everyday people :)
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The only thing you could do to improve your situation is by a lava lamp.
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Read the Power of Now and apply its teachings. Attend to your life not your life situation.
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+5 I like to put on a house dress and apron and do the dishes. Try it
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I'll tell you when I get there :)
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I went to Africa, changed everything.
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Enlist in the Army and go to Iraq. It'll put a spark in your butt.
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give your computer away. stay offline and mingle with the people.
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some people are just made that way, guess your unlucky.
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Try volunteering and see how many people need you.
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My Dad taught me this one: I constantly complained about my old shoes,until i met a man without legs!
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Prayer, sunshine and fresh air!
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Every time when I go on a long walk... I am quickly much better! And when I remember Party boy from Jackass crue
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...Go do some community service. 1. do something for somebody else. 2. do something for somebody else. 3 If you havnt reached desired outcome, repeat steps 1,2 and 3.
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You asked this question four months ago - before I drivvle on with my two penneth worth - how are you feeling now?
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Learn from the Buddha; attachment is the root of suffering. The belief that you absolutely cannot be happy without something is a delusion. Money, companionship, popularity, etc. are just a few of the things society has brainwashed us into believing we need in order to be happy. When you get fixated on something as a requirement for your happiness, you end up completely ignoring all of the magnificent potential for joy that surrounds us all.
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