The one that has not, nor ever will be, written.

Here ya go. Has every element. Drinking, bars, break ups, blue jeans, affairs, etc.

"I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison" You Never Even Called Me By My Name by David Allan Coe

According to the song, it is David Allan Coe's 'You Don't Have to Call me Darlin'...as long as it includes the last verse about trains, mama, pickups, and getting drunk.

I have a few timeless favorites.... so I'd say it's one of these: If I said you have a Beautiful Body, would you hold it against me? -- Bellamy Brothers Baby's Got Her Blue Jeans on -- Mel McDaniel Coal Miner's Daughter -- Loretta Lynn

David Allen Coe's "You Never Even Call Me By My Name"

My Best Friend

International Harvester by Craig Morgan now thats country for ya! But Hank Williams Jr is a no fail, thats some classic country. Love em.

All My Exes George Strait Chorus: All my ex's live in Texas, And Texas is a place I'd dearly love to be. But all my ex's live in Texas And that's why I hang my hat in Tennessee. Rosanna's down in Texarkana; wanted me to push her broom, And sweet Ilene's in Abilene; she forgot I hung the moon, And Allison in Galveston somehow lost her sanity, And Dimples who now lives in Temple's got the law lookin’ for me. Chorus: All my ex's live in Texas, And Texas is a place I'd dearly love to be. But all my ex's live in Texas And that's why I hang my hat in Tennessee. I remember that old Frio river where I learned to swim. And it brings to mind another time where I wore my welcome thin. My transcendental meditation, I go there each night, But I always come back to myself long before daylight. Chorus: All my ex's live in Texas, And Texas is a place I'd dearly love to be. But all my ex's live in Texas And that's why I hang my hat in Tennessee. Some folks think I'm hidin', It's been rumored that I died, But I'm alive and well in Tennessee.

Now here are the lyrics for the David Allen Coe song that is so popular on this question- (Thanks to lyrics download) You never Even Call Me By My Name - It was all that I could do to keep from cryin' Sometimes it seems so useless to remain You don't have to call me darlin', darlin' You never even call me by my name. You don't have to call me Waylon Jennings And you don't have to call me Charlie Pride. You don't have to call me Merle Haggard, anymore. Even though your on my fightin' side. CHORUS And I'll hang around as long as you will let me And I never minded standin' in the rain. You don't have to call me darlin', darlin' You never even call me by my name. I've heard my name a few times in your phone book I've seen it on signs where I've laid But the only time I know, I'll hear David Allan Coe Is when Jesus has his final judgement day. CHORUS... Well, a friend of mine named Steve Goodman wrote that song and he told me it was the perfect country and western song. I wrote him back a letter and told him it was NOT the perfect country and western song because he hadn't said anything about Momma, or trains, or trucks, or prison, or gettin' drunk. Well, he sat down and wrote another verse to the song and he sent it to me and after reading it, I realized that my friend had written the perfect country and western song. And I felt obliged to include it on this album. The last verse goes like this here: Well, I was drunk the day my Mom got outta prison. And I went to pick her up in the rain. But, before I could get to the station in my pickup truck She got runned over by a damned old train. CHORUS So I'll hang around as long as you will let me And I never minded standin' in the rain. No, You don't have to call me darlin', darlin' You never even call me, I wonder why you don't call me Why don't you ever call me by my name.

Goin' Back to Texas by Don Edwards

Me and Bobby McGee by Kristofferrson!

"I'm My Own Grandpa" http://www.bordergatewayprotocol.net/jon/humor/audio/Ray_Stevens_Im_my_own_grandpa.mp3

"Tennessee Homesick Blues" by Dolly Parton.

The last part of David Allen Coe's "You Never Even Call Me By My Name"