Help out? It's his house too, is it not? What you need is a backbone and the ability to tell him that if he thinks the marriage is a mistake, not to let the door hit him on the way out.

sits on the computer 27/7? Oh i have no idea what that's like (sarcasm) Just say, "Dude, it's your house too, F*in' help and get over it"

well you seem to be putting up with it:)

He has you scared and likes it that way. He is lazy and getting 'mad' makes you leave him alone and treat him like he wants to be treated. This is your fault. We teach those around us how to treat us. By allowing this pin head to play ogre, you are teaching him that this is how you should be treated.

well, when he wants sex, you jump on the computer and see how he likes it.

This might sound really bad, but with my parents it's the opposite except my mom doesn't really use the computer that much. You're not alone, though. A lot of marriages are like that. :( You're right, though. He should help out. He lives there, too, does he not? Why should he get an easy way out? Is he old-fashioned? You say he sits on the computer 24/7..... does he even have a job?

these are some things i would do... say "i would like to use the computer for a bit" then when you are ask him to do a few jobs. vacume in the room where the computer is for ages. (if it was me i would even unplug the computer to plug the vacume in, all our computer pluags are on one power board) tell him "clean up when i am as it makes it easier on both people. or leave the house till im done" (without the computer) talk about how horrible it makes you feel, and if he doesnt get it tell him quite clearly "i am sick of cleaning up! if you dont help, this wont be your home anymore!" he can take this anyway he wants... but it usually gets them moving

It appears that you have made him out to be a really big POS by the way you worded it. If that is the case, he isn't worth your time or life. Get rid of him and move on.

I'm not married but I feel your pain - I have a friend who has a husband that I have physically watched play his Play Station 3 for 30 hours straight, he will go to sleep and wake up just to start where he finished. The house should be condemned for how filthy it looks yet he does NOTHING to help her clean, cook or care for the kids... I have told her MANY times... Take an Easton baseball bat to that thing and say "game over, now help me take care of OUR mess"! But she doesn't. If I were you, I would get rid of the internet - sounds drastic but all your husband is going to do is gain weight, bury his face in that monitor and expect YOU to care for everything in the house. FORGET THAT - YOU can do that BY YOURSELF!

im a guy and he might be a porn addict make sure and check the history and all the emails

There are many things going on here. It started with the way he grew up and the attitude he learned: "men don't do housework". Since you have been together for 13 years you've probably accepted this role and everything went smoothly. Now things are different. you are not well for one. He can't cope with this. He escpes into the computer and is now addicted to it. Yes ADDICTED. Try to break someone of an addiction and you know the results. Through the years you have probably given in to him because when he gets mad a female is afraid of a man's strength and they know it. Now that he's addicted he's going to get REALLY mad, and you don't want to suffer from his anger so you back down. He has manipulated the situation to get what he wants so why should he change? His anger is his "tool", and it works. You could try to hire someone to clean and get him to pay for it. If he refuses, concentrate on your health. Don't worry about how dirty the house is or how much time he spends on the computer, who needs him anyway? Do whatever you are capable of and what's more important. You could possibly "disable" the computer--if you know what you're doing, but that doesn't mean he's going to change his attitude about helping you. Before computers there was watching sports, drinking, and going out with the "buddies", etc. Take care of the important things...yourself. Go buy some new clothes, get a nice hairdo, or even go out to dinner. Why fight with a brick wall?

Sounds like a lazy bastard. I agree with the guy that told you to get on the computer when he wants sex. haha

Well, you do need help. How is he contributing? Does he at least pay his way? If not, unplug the computer and if it his, move it out the door with him. If you have no clout in this situation you can do nothing but move out yourself. He is unwilling to change by this example you gave. Does he love you? If he doesn't care, then neither should you. The question is why do you love someone so selfish?

He has an addiction and is separated from reality.

Funny the things people don't talk about before getting married. Do you have a list of the things you do around the house so you can show the things that need to get done during the day. Have you reviewed that list and thought about the way he lived prior to living with you and considered what you deem a priority, isn't even on his radar? Lets take an example. A guy will consider the dishes washed when they are put in the washer and it is turned on. You might view washing the dishes as prewashing them prior to puttnig them in the washer and also removing them from the washer, using a towel to dry any dampness and remove any water spots, and placing them in the cabinet such that coffee cups all have their handles to the right. Multiply that across making bed, cleaning bathroom, laundry, putting things away.. and it's pretty easy to see why one is lazy, the other obsessed. Of course, he may truly be lazy, but there are 3 sides to any story.

Everyone here seems to be telling you to break up with him. Do you remember why you married? I assumed you loved each other, that you were happy? Maybe you being ill has affected him to - and trying to escape reality by going on the computer. Hell if something upsets me I do my very hardest to ignore it! I don't know much about illnesses but yours sounds quite serious. I try and see the best in people so I hope he isn't being insensitive but in fact just trying to be 'strong' and not show weakness that he's worried. But if he did put a question up here, then maybe not - but hopefully. Try talking through your worries together, tell him how you feel, see how he feels.

Sounds like your man needs to grow up and stop being a tool. He cant go thru life expecting his wife to pick up after him, cook for him, clean for him....I mean he should have saved some time and married his mother instead. Here's what he needs to learn....in a relationshiop, you have compromise. You have give and take. The wife cant be expected to do all these things for him. He sounds like a pampered little wuss that needs a healthy dose of reality. Heres what you do....Stop doing those things for him. He wants to live like a slob....he can sleep on the couch and masturbate all night if he likes. He can wallow in his own filth and do his own laundry. If I was you....I'd kick this little turd to the curb and find someone else who is worthy of your time...

This didn't happen overnight. He has been conditioned that such behavior is okay. If you don't feel capable of retraining him, leave him, because he is being an unreasonable jerk, and even if you have allowed him to act like that, a truly good husband would never reach that level.

Seriously. Aaa In your specific case if he keeps ignoring your requests for help it might be wise for you both to go to counseling or you to just leave. My cousin is on dialysis as well and its a serious situation.

Hmm. What is he doing in the computer? what site? porn? There must be a really good reason (to him) for getting mad and not wanting to leave the computer. Check his cookies, history in computer. It is his responsibility too. Why bring up marriage being a mistake? Who is he talking to? More importantly is he planning a divorce. Some site are addictive and you do meet people online local and out of state. I would check into it. I have a feeling it has nothing to do with house work, but instead, the site he is in the computer.