This morning I talked to my boyfriend, and told him that him that he either need to change his controlling ways or Im gone, and he begging me not to leave him,and he promised that he will change, should I believe him? Can controlling people really change?
by 
OddGirlOut
ANSWERS: 26
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I used to be extremely controlling. My girlfriend at the time hated it, and it was what eventually ended the relationship (in addition to other issues.) I, however, didn't want to be that way, and took the steps necessary to realize that I can only control myself, and everything outside of my own being is outside of my control. I simply let go. People do change. If you feel like you love him, perhaps you can help him. Or maybe you both need to take a break so he can realize how much his behavior hurts you.
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You should give him a chance at least. Controlling people can change, but there will always be a side of them where they want to take control of something.
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people dont change - and you gave him an ultimatum - are you ready to follow thru with that ?
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The entire universe is in a state of entropy. This means that change is both inevitable and unavoidable. Staying the same is an impossibility. The best we can hope for is to choose wisely the speed and direction of our next change. He can change for the better, or for the worse, he can change fast or slow. Tell him that as long as his changes continue in the right direction and at an acceptable speed, then your relationship is improving, BUT if his changes go the wrong way or are slowed to an inadequate speed, then it is HIM who has failed the relationship and it will be HIS fault that the relationship MUST end.
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If you go back to him you might as well write your will. Leave him. He won't change. This is what they want you to THINK! Think about it! If he wants to control you would he want you to jsut leave? NO! Just tell him it's over, hang up before he can say anything else, and then don't talk to him again! Tell your parents so they don't have you talk to him and explain the situation. Please, just do it! No they don't change. If they do it takes a REALLY REALLY REALLY LONG TIME. NOT 5 MINUTES. JUST GET OUT.
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Read what "Penny the Wise" said. Then read it again, BELIEVE It, and GET OUT, Get Away. This person is so insecure they are unable to function in a relationship normally. He cannot and WILL NOT change while with you, because your relationship has already been established, and he needs to start over from the beginning, and work very hard to curb his immature and unreasonable fear and lack of confidence. He will pull you down, hold you back, try to isolate you from your friends and family, and demand very unfair and unrealistic amounts of time and energy. End this now, because this is the kind of person that hits, hurts, stalks, and even kills, their girlfriend or wife. Not saying he will, but this is how it starts. Good Luck.
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Read what "Penny the Wise" said. Then read it again, BELIEVE It, and GET OUT, Get Away. This person is so insecure they are unable to function in a relationship normally. He cannot and WILL NOT change while with you, because your relationship has already been established, and he needs to start over from the beginning, and work very hard to curb his immature and unreasonable fear and lack of confidence. He will pull you down, hold you back, try to isolate you from your friends and family, and demand very unfair and unrealistic amounts of time and energy. End this now, because this is the kind of person that hits, hurts, stalks, and even kills, their girlfriend or wife. Not saying he will, but this is how it starts. Good Luck.
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He will change, for maybe a week, if he can pretend that long. Get out now. He is a control freak, it's a waste of time, he'll end up hitting you next, or even worse. Don't play with fire, you will get burned. You know in your heart what is the best thing to do. Get out of this mess while you still can.
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http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article2222337.ece don't let this story be you
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I know what you are going through. I am no longer in a controlling relationship. My former boyfriend hated my independence ! He would wonder what I was doing, where I was going and who I was with. And, when he blew it, he would say "I love you" I don't want to lose you, I am sorry. People who are controlling have a problem. They feel that they need to feel power over others. Don't let him take your power. Stand up, get up and leave him ! You are worth more ! He has to want help and seek help on his own. Yes, controlling people can change, but they have to want it. Otherwise, they will be that way if they don't do anything about their problem.
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NOPE. Get out now, while you can. If you're the one who posted about not being allowed to hug Dad yesterday, (I think you are) you need to get out now. I was beaten several times by my ex. The first couple of times I went to the hospital I made up stories about how my toes or fingers got broken. He always cried and said he'd change, but he didn't. I badly wanted to believe that he would, but he didn't. The last straw was when he kicked me across my then 3yr-old son's room, in front of the kid. I filed for divorce the very next morning. I got out, and I'm glad I did.
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The writing is on the wall my dear. Several of the responses prove it and have been in your position or known a friend or family member who has. The longer you stay the more control he will have and the less likely it will be that you will leave. There are a lot of healthy relationships. You deserve to be in one. Get up, walk out, move on. Take the time to rediscover who you are and control your own life. Then sit back and watch the wonderful opportunities and people that will flock to you! You deserve nothing but the best, so don't settle for less!
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By begging you he is attempting to control you. BUT if this is the first time you have discussed it I would give one chance--then be gone.
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Sure, and unicorns realy do exist. (Not saying it doesn't happen, but it's so rare you might as well call it a fantasy.) What he is doing is using a guilt ploy coupled with a bunch of empty promises to get you to come back. If you go back to him before he has changed and without counciling for the both of you he'll be up to his old tricks in a week. Only now it will be worse. Count on the violent out burst with in a month since you will have shown no back bone by going right back to him. In fact doing so will be all the permision he needs.
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Umm I have been there sometimes they can change with counselling help but not always.Usually they lie then they go back to doing it again and then they say they will change then they do it again and then say they will change and it goes on like that and they may change for a while to get you to stay with them and beleive them but it doesnt work that way.They usually dont change I know from experience I have been there before myself trust me I wouldnt lie to you I know this stuff!I like to help anyone in an abusive relationship after what has happened to me I wish you the best luck in everything.some advice:leave him!.you deserve better than that your way to good.
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Anything is possible! You'll just have to wait and see! Good luck!
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if you gave him an ultimatum, you have to follow thru. how long did you give him to "change" ? personally i dont think ppl can change - you love them the way they are or you dont love them.
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Give him a chance do you love him ? If so the only way he will learn is for you to out your foot down !
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People CAN change - but in cases like you describe it takes a lot of hard work and commitment. If he is willing to get the counselling etc that he needs to do this, give him a chance. But try and remember that YOU are not supposed to be his 'saviour' - and don't let him guilt trip or slack of on his other sessions by trying to make YOU feel responsible for his changing... Good luck to both of you... : )
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Did you talk in person or on the phone. Be careful. Controlling people can become violent.
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I would never believe that after what I have seen with lots of those relationships.
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i read every answer and 1 thing is common that the person does the same thing again and again so please let me ask you how do i stop controlling my partner how can i stop the abuse that i cause to the one person i love i dont want it to be like this any more she need not live in fear i wanna be a good person
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http://www.thatsnotcool.com/
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thatsnotcool.com
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No. If you aren't in couples therapy the odds of any changes ocvuring are slim to none. He's an abuser. Controllers are emotional abusers and abusers don't change. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/friendship-20/201506/20-signs-your-partner-is-controlling
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i use to be kind of controlling but yes id give him a chance because i just got left by my girlfriend of over a year and half and i didnt get another chance but i still changed for the better. id say if you think its real and not just him talking out of his butt. give it to him
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