Whats the worst thing a man can say to a women during labor?
by 
Stay Strong Stephen Murray
ANSWERS: 100
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Anything.
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Don't worry, I'm right behind you!
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"Be right back......."
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Anything he says, whatever it is, is the worst. Nothing he can say is less than the worst. It's all bad.
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Ooh, I think somebody's being a little grumpy...! You need to turn that frown upside-down! Anybody want to sing some show tunes? Are you about done? Because my feet are killing me.
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I'm glad I'm not you.
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I had to answer my own question "Oh my god I just bit my tong, thats the most pain I've ever felt in my whole life"
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I had a male doctor, when I had my first baby. He told me that I wasn't "pushing right". How the heck can a man tell a woman who is pushing something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon, that she's pushing wrong. I really let him have it..
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"Do you want some ice chips?" with orange juice breath made me barf.
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Is it mine?
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hurry up!
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does it realy hurt,, are sure its mine? ( thats sick)
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I've been thinking of more all morning: (Singing while she screams in pain…) Woooooo, hooo hoo HOO ooo ooo OOO ooo ooo ooo ooo-OOO-ooo-ooo-ooo... Don’t worry ... Be happy Woooooo, hooo hoo HOO ooo ooo OOO ooo ooo ooo ooo-OOO-ooo-ooo-ooo... Don’t worry ... Be happy... (repeat as necessary) Hey honey, does everything feel all right? Because one of the nurses was telling me about a baby that was born here last month that had extra legs where its arms shoulda been. I know just how you feel. Ewwwwww... that’s digusting! Just imitate her cries and moans, and then say “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was doing it”. Honey, I don’t know how to tell you this, but this baby isn’t mine. (I don’t know what this means, it just sounded funny.) Hey honey, how long do you think it’s going to be before you’re back “in the mood”? Oh, man, some of the nurses here are HOT!!! Honey, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’m gay and I’m leaving you for Roger next door. (light up a cigar)
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"Don't complain because all I wanted was a blowjob!"
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It is going to be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway after that thing comes out of you.
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grooooossss. or you have really let yourself go. or how soon do you plan on losing that baby weight?
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My wife went into serious labor during the 4th quarter of the 2002 Superbowl. It is referred to as the best Superbowl ever. The Patriots won the game with a last second field goal. It was a great game so I asked my wife if I could keep the game on while she pushed. My advice to the guys out there: "Don't do that. EVER." The nurses hated me. All I wanted was to watch 10 more minutes of the game.
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These gowns they make you wear are really uncomfortable, you know? Ow, a paper cut. Ow. I need a beer. You know, childbirth hurts so much because it’s God’s judgment on Eve for sinning in the Garden of Eden... So honey, when do you think you’re going to lose all this weight you’ve been packing on?
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WHAT IS THAT?!?!?!?
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Are you going to be long I want to go out with the boys!
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Oh, come on-it can't hurt that much!
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Two of my aunts died while doing what you are doing!
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Alright love, I'm off to the pub for a pint, catch ya later
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Wow! Doesn’t that hurt? Hi, mom! Oh, honey, I forgot to tell you, I invited my mom here. (Trying to wrestle the forceps away from the doctor…) You’re not DOING it right!!! Smile for a picture… cheeeeeeese! Is it supposed to be that color? What does this machine do? (pause) Oops. Honey, I’m *really* not sure I’m ready for this fatherhood thing… It better be a boy, that’s all I can say.
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does it hurt? calm down!
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"Hey, could you keep it down, I need to take this call"
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Does it say that big down there?
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It's all about you isn't it...what about me?
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Let me know how this turns out for you, I'm off to hit the links.
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The quicker that you can get this done, the lower the hospital bill.
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Could you hurry up?
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Can you hurry this up? I don't want to miss the pre game show.
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"I once dated an older woman who's p***y was sooo tight" (Yes, my EX husband decided to mention that)
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Boy, you look like hell.
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I've been thinking- I don't think our relationship is working out. There's this woman at the office, her name is Clair, you met at the company picnic, and well ...
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No way in HELL did that come from my loins, when you get done I'm gonna smack you right in the mouth! That was my tribute to the late Jackie Gleason.
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I want a divorce
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Come on honey....its not that bad.
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Honey, it could be worse Howz life Hey pumpkin, guess what, you gotta guess! Honey i got fired from my job Is it to late for you to get an abortion? Whats for dinner? Woops is this the wrong room? o wait no nevermind, didnt recognize you. Honey, i think you should stop doing yoga and spend more time at home Pull my finger!!! I wonder how the game is, honey do you mind if i watch the football game? Sorry im late, i got distracted by these hot nurses Honey, i told you we should have used a condom but noooo Dont worry, it cant be that bad Stop Complaining, i have to sit in traffic and work *To the Doctor* When do you think it will be safe to have sex? Honey, i think we need to sell your ferarri and get a minivan
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Mine actually said it: "When do you want to have the next one?"
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"Suck it up"
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"Come on get on with it! My parking permit will expire in 20 minutes!"
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Call me when you're done.
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"wait...what's the score?"
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Did you know you are turning into this ugly shade of puce with all this breathing in and out? You know, this scene is going to haunt me next time we make love. Is that hole ever going to get small again? So...what are you going to do about the stretch marks? Eww...the umblical cord looks like an intestine!
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I really don't like the question. It should be "What are some good things a man can say to a woman during labor?" Anything that expresses worry or fear or gets her even more excited is bad. Calming and reassuring statements, supportive remarks in a confident and almost hypnotic tone are best. Our youngest was born like this at home at 3 AM on a Sunday morning and at 10:30 the whole family, mother, baby and four older kids, went with me to church. (Voluntarily!) We stopped at Kroger's on the way back and weighed the baby on the fruit scale when nobody was looking. Nine pounds, one ounce girl. Recently married to a guy with ten brothers and one sister.
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"by the way, if the test i took last month is any indication, you and the baby both have HIV"
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how the hell did this happen to me
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"So I took out a life insurance policy on you last month, and make me the beneficiary." "Eeewww... what is THAT?" (looking under the sheets) "Better you than me!" (Goes back to watching football) "I have this kinky new sex idea... maybe we can try it out tomorrow!"
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does it hurt? (duh!!)
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This is fun!! Let's have another one next year!!
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Hay honey, do you remember that scene from Aliens? Ever seen a donkey show? I bet I could put my head in there! After this I'll show you my lion tamer bit. We should have taken pictures when it was still pretty and normal sized. Hey doc! Can you put a couple more stitches in her for me (nudge.. You know what I mean?) That's gross..I'll never eat p@$$y agian. So much for two piece bathing suits! How about a threesome with that cute candy stipper when we get home. That supper model looked better than this on that reality show you watch. What have I done?
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My husband was asleep in the chair snoring. I wanted to punch him out. He woke up for the actual birth part though and had the nerve to tell me he was tired after it was all over.
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the worst thing a man could say during his wife's labour is "how long you going to be? i'm getting tired"
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Honey, very soon this will be all over and you won't remember it... also It's gonna get worse before it gets better...
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Why do these things always happen to me?
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I'm bored. Are you done yet?
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I'm starving... can we speed this up a little?
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"its ok honey it doesn't hurt, you can do it, you have to do it," that is still so clear in my head...
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I feel the worst thing a man can say is the baby not his and that u a H** and call u all types of names.But u know u haven't been with anybody else but they seemed to then say u lying.
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"You look MUCH fatter with the baby inside your stomach..."
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"Imagine a basketball going through a garden hose."
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Honey! that is why I don`t like woman on top position,see what have you done to me.
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you've got to be kidding..im sure it doesnt hurt that much!
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Why is this taking so long?
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"Can you put an extra stitch in there for me?" This was actually said! I almost died of embarassment.
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you go girl
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the quicker you get this one out, the sooner we can start on the next one
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Usually a woman is too focused on what is going on with her body to pay attention to what people say...the worst thing a man can do while a woman is in labor is to go out to dinner or drinking with friends. :(
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When my oldest daughter was in labor, a male nurse..orderly..or whatever..came into the room and proceeded to use the phone. While he was talking a hard contraction hit and she started "yelling". He looked at her (with utter disgust) and said, "Will you be quiet for a minute?" She forgot about her labor for a few minutes and gave him her FULL attention. You could hear her cursing him all the way to the nurse's station.
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Would you hurry up already? I'm missing the playoffs!
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My husband tried to help by what we learned in lamase class.I accidently hit him in the gut,he has not gotten over that!
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My friends husband said to her, while the doctor was checking to see how dialated she was, "I hope you're not enjoying that"!!
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Jeez dear i'm horny
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stop being so sensative! suck it up! are you beING a cry baby you not women enough, if i had my eyes closed i would have thought you were a little baby yourself with all that crying youR doing and you have your nerve to have a baby PLEASE....
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"Oh, come on now, I've been through worse" "Can you keep quiet? The games on"
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I cant think of anything else to say but u guys crack me up.
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Could you hurry it up? I've got a date.
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Can you Stop yelling? Calm Down!
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Hurry up, the tapes nearly out on the video camera and I want to show it to the lads before the pub closes :o)
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Aint you gonna put some make up on??? you look a mess.... hmmmm needless to say he was walking funny for almost a week!!! lol
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Is this mine? (My EX husband atually asked me ence the fact he is an ex!)
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I'm Horny?
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"I have to use the bathroom, can you hold it?"
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Look at it this way...Yippee!!! You won't be such a fat a$$..Instant weight loss!
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be a man (lol)
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I would have to say that the worst thing s man could say would be: Hey Babe, do you think you could keep it down, I cant hear the game.....
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sorry wrong room..... ewww it stretches that big??? you ever thought of shaving that thing?
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I didn't realise there for 50 shades of purple!!
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How the .... did that get in there
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shhhhhh do you have to yell so damn loud....<---yup he really said it to me..the nurse took care of his ass...
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hurry up already im missing corrie
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shut up and make me a sandwich
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"Who is responsible for this woman?"
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are u sure, I am the father???
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Wow, your makeup looks like @$&#!
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Now you are sure that the baby is mine right?
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any thing they say is gonna be wrong but to make it worse i was at 7-8 cen and my kids dad layed on the bed with me and fell asleep we could not wake him up it sucked!!!
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you look fat! Ohh my GOSH it's ugly! put it back in!!!! i brouhgt you that ice cream. i wrecked the car. i lost the house and gambled all our money away. do you want more? i lost my job. damn you bitch your giving me a headache... now you know how it feels to be kicked in the balls. ok i think i gave ya a few there... teehee alot of those my boyfriend suggested
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Honey!how many more children should we have?
El Soupy 
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