my cousins flying back soon And my parents expect more From me considering that she kept talking shit about my whole family they want me to be an ideal kid Im trying my best Yet even when my mom wants me to do well She constantly says that I wont be able to improve every little thing I do they rate me on especially staying after school today thinking that all I was doing was fooling around Its just exhausting They did this when I was younger and it stressed me out Especially since I was going through some in school conflict with other kids Whenever I did something well There was always another kid that did it better My parents comparing me to the kid I just gave up in middle school I couldnt take the pressure And thats what fucked me up It got worse in my mind I constantly judged myself it was all there my parents had already done their deed Its just me against myself Which is why Im so insecure I constantly compare myself to others Because its become a habit formed by my parents they still do it now they still compare me to every perfect student or kid I just wish they would give me a break my great aunts does the same thing they would bring up smart kids they knew whenever they came over I would be taking a break and listening to music And theyd say Hey this is a good time to study since so and so is better than you Ive never once been praised for awards Both of them would just shrug it off Im tired Im sick of it its the first day of school and theyre already marking off a mistake my family in Vietnam thinks that all I do is play video games And that Im a good for nothing piece of shit And that ill just kill myself one day And that my parents will be free from dealing with me Of course the only way they would know about how unstable I am is from my cousin and all of my family members think that Im just doing it for attention If you wanna die so badly why don?t you just do it give your parents an actual reward They probably hate you because youre like this and my mom throws me under the bus whenever they say something bad about her Why are you so rude to your older sister Oh it?s just because my daughter?s being a handful right now I wish I never had a kid Im lucky that I?m not you.

Your feelings and choices are your own. They do not belong to your parents regardless what they did or did not do. You cannot blame them. They are trying to encourage you to be a better person and there is nothing wrong with that. You have used this as an excuse to feel whatever you CHOOSE to feel, and blame them for you giving up. Who cares what they think? Do your best so you can feel good about what you've done. Don't let them steal that from you. Tell them to their face you will not allow them to manipulate your feelings anymore and that you don't care what they think of you anymore, since nothing you do pleases them anyway why should you try? Tell them that constantly pushing you is no longer an effective motivation to do well. Tell them you choose to be happy with doing your best and that if you wanted you could choose to be something much worse! Tell them about Esmie Tseng. She was a sensitive teen living in Overland Park, KS. In various blog postings, Esmie complains that her success-driven Chinese parents were so overbearing that she felt suffocated, for instance, she says they grounded her for scoring 96% on an exam, told her they would move to another school district to punish her because she got three B's on a report card, and threatened to sell her piano if her behavior didn't improve. Then one day in August 2005, Esmie grabbed a knife and stabbed her mother to death. Every time they compare you and tell you you're not good enough give them and example from this list: https://thoughtcatalog.com/jim-goad/2015/12/14-cases-of-parents-murdered-by-their-kids/ But don't get it in your head to kill them. No matter how strong the reason these kids killed their parents they all went to prison. Keep in mind this situation is temporary. Death whether yours or theirs is permanent. And if you do something so hideous you'll be proving them right.