Great question. I am not sure that I can answer it well. To start, when I was younger - like a high school and college student - the sex was for me mostly about how I felt. It is not that I did not want the girl to enjoy it, but honestly, I was probably thinking more about my pleasure than her's. Later, I began to realize that my pleasure was more tied to her's and I became more focused on pleasing her. Also, when I was younger, I was much more adventurous. I traveled to Europe and visited the red light districts in Amsterdam and Hamburg. (I also went to a sex club/bar in Amsterdam where there was "audience participation" in the show.) I was into casual sex in a way that I am not now. When I got with my current gf, and there was much that happened to me between my first sexual experience at age 16 and when I met my gf, we focused on sex together more. We did "wild things" - I had a homosexual relationship for a couple of months because my gf thought it was a turn-on, we had sex with another couple - though we each stayed with our own partners, it was more like sex in the same room with another couple. We skinny dipped and had sex at a secluded hotel pool in the Caribbean, Then, as time wore on, we became less exotic. We still do stuff - sex in our backyard, for example, or on a beach while on vacation, while hiking - but it is just us. (One big exception: About 6 years ago, for my birthday, my gf had a prostitute come to our house just for me. I about fell over. I had been talking about how I was getting to be an old man - mostly as a joke as I was not that old. (My 30s.) My gf got the idea that sex with another woman would make me feel younger and more virile. It was sweet in its way, but I was stunned, frankly. I felt bad that I had made her think that sex with her was not making me feel young - like it wasn't good enough or something. I told her that really, all I wanted was sex with her, but she was sweet. She said that she understood that men had needs and that she loved me and wanted me to have this experience. Here is where maybe my older years come into play. I actually resisted it for about a month. (My gf - I don't even want to know how - arranged to prepay a call girl who would come to the house when we set a date.) The young me probably would have jumped at it. In this case, though, I dragged my feet for a while and my gf and I even had something of an argument about it. Finally, though, seeing that it meant something to her to give me this gift, I relented. It was a strange experience in a way. My gf had just had our second child, The gal came over after we had put my older son to bed. My gf stayed down stairs, watched television, breast fed our son and basically occupied herself while I went upstairs with a prostitute, got naked and had sex with her from about 9 till midnight. (I said when she got dressed to leave - "Should I tip you?" Her reply was classic - "No honey, your wife" - she thought we were married I guess - "took care of everything." Never thought I would hear that from a prostitute.) Another weird moment: As I am laying in bed, sexually quite satisfied and drifting off to sleep, I can hear my gf saying to the prostitute as she let's her out the front door, "Thanks for coming." Strange. Sorry for the digression, but I told my gf later that I only wanted her and that while I appreciated what she did, that I would have been twice as happy spending a night with her. I said to her, honestly, that I am not sure that I could ever do the same for her. Bottom line, we still like a spicy sex life, but as I have gotten older - and as I have become a daddy - it has become more about sharing than enjoying. I love my gf with all my heart. We have a great sex life - and in our early 40s we both have a strong sex drive. It also helps that my gf believes that she should always be available for sex whenever I "need" it. (Her word. Truth be told, like all men, I do need sex, but it is not like I would die if I didn't get it.) I basically can have sex on demand, but here again, the difference between my youth and now. Now, while my gf has basically allowed me to use her body for my pleasure - I now try to make sure that she wants sex too. Grant that, sometimes, I am probably less sensitive to her needs than I could be. I guess that sums it up. Like I said, now sex is about sharing and not selfishness. It is about my love for the most beautiful woman - physically and personally - I have ever known. Once sex was about fun and pleasure, now it is about my gf and love. Sorry for the very long answer. I hope it helped.

Sorry to be so late in replying to your remarks. I agree, by the way, it would be nice if we could write in paragraphs and it would be nice if the site could notify us when we get a "comment." (Hence why I wrote this as an "Answer" so that you would be sure to see it.) I agree that one of the advantages of being older is that we know more. The sex is both more adventurous and richer. It can be both more wild and more emotionally fulfilling. It was not till I got older that sex - even things like threesomes - became more about us and less about me, and was better for it. My gf and I are a little younger than you, but in a sense you have some advantages on us. You were also lucky to find a husband who understood your sexual desires and loved you enough to be comfortable with them - and if I understand you sometime join in. You say he is more conservative, but I'll bet he thinks of those experiences fondly. As for needs versus desire. My gf refers more to my "sexual needs" than I do. I think you are closer to the mark - desire. However, she points out to me that there is data to show that men who don't get sex tend to be more depressed, get sicker more often, tend to stress more easily and actually die younger. (That's evolution and natural selection at work, I guess.) My gf genuinely believes that I have sexual needs that if satisfied will keep me happy and healthy longer. Interestingly, she applies desires to herself. (I will ask her sometime where the distinction is in her mind. It IS true that women who don't have sex tend not to be as badly impacted by it as men are. Though the difference is statistically not large. Not insignificant, but not gigantic either.) As to marriage, we have nothing against it for others but we didn't want it for ourselves. (In fact, I will probably flip out if my daughter does what I and her mother have done. Hypocrisy? You bet. I'm a daddy. "C'mon over here, son, and let's talk about your intentions toward my daughter while I clean my guns." P.S. I don't actually own a gun.) However, my gf and I both just want our relationship to be about us. Elemental and natural. Not about a wedding or a ring or a marriage license. We didn't need a wedding and we want it to be about us as we would be in nature. Not us in an institution. Even if it is an institution that we agree is good and in many ways beautiful. However, what I have with my gf is that sense that all we have is each other. No net - legal or religious (and by the way, we do attend church, perhaps ironically - a whole other story) - just two people who love each other in the most natural and spontaneous way. I am sure that sounds very "granola." It does to us too, in a way, but my gf and I are happy as just the two of us. A man and a woman, lovers and parents, in a sort of natural way. No artifice, just nature. I know. Could we be more sappy? We do talk, though less and less than we used to, about tying the knot. Our parents were not wild about our "arrangement" - and her dad positively flipped out and it took a while for things to settle. It helps that we gave him three grandchildren. (Still, want to know what his first question to us was when we announced we were expecting the first time? "So will you be getting married now?" No surprise there. He handled it...well...okay....when we told him no.) Anyhow, we have been through so much and love each other so deeply, I don't plan - and my gf does not plan - to change what has worked so well for us. Hope that explains it.

When I was younger, I needed sex to feel liked and wanted. Now I need it for love. I was a nerdy and extremely shy girl in high school. I have a petite body and very small breasts, dressed very plain and kept to myself. I didn't think guys were really into me at all. When I went to college it was like a fresh start. I started dressing the way I wanted to, got a new hair style, and became very sexually active. All of a sudden I was receiving a lot of attention from guys. I loved it and it made me feel so good about myself to be desired and have so many guys that wanted to sleep with me. Now for me, sex is so much more about the love that I feel for my partner. Physically, the sex in my marriage is great, but the love that I feel for my husband is unlike anything I had felt before with past partners.