You and your husband should now be a team and should stand strong together. I don't mean that he should turn on his mother, but it's unfair of him to take her side against you. You need to tell him that this upsets you and ask him to be your partner in this, otherwise why did you get married?

Hi shobana, I am exactly in same situation. My husband is eldest and love his mother a lot. His mother is very dominating lady and she controls her husband completely and she wants to control her sons also completely. My husband does not understand this and always believes whatever wrong she tells about me and to me she never will say anything directly. She never lets me go to my home and creates lot of problems . If you find an answer please share with me . --Ritu

My mother-in-law is controling everything. My husband loves their parents. I faced so many problems with my mother-in-law. We cant take our own decisions. My mother-in-law is controling her family and now son family also. Now they are saying that i should not talk with realtives and i shouldnt meet them or they should not stay at my home. can anyone please advise. I dont know my life what will happen?

Well i can't give you a detailed answer to that. Just talk to your husband, even though it may be his mom. By the way, a good movie to see regarding this is Monster-In-Law.

If you have trouble with your mother-in-law finding fault, you might ask her to simply make a list of what she believes would be a model for you to follow to be a proper wife, housemate, mother and so forth. Then ask her to compare this list she just made with the one given to her by her own mother-in-law when she got married. If she doesn't have such a list, ask if your m-i-l was so perfect she didn't need reminding of what to do or whether she was given running instructions from her own MIL, just as you are receiving running instructions? If she says she was given "running instructions", ask her how she enjoyed the experience. Sooner or later she should get the marriage. If she doesn't, persist in demanding a written list of either your program for perfection or a listing of your imperfections...plus insist on a comparison made by her with her own reaction to what she received. You get the idea.

You can't be forced to visit her, so why do it? If you're husband comes home from visiting her and gives you her instructions on how to behave this week, tell him where to get off, a husband should show you more respect than that. If he is unable to show you that respect, I think you should find a different husband.

Perhaps it would be best to not care what others think about you. It seems that you may have been premature in marrying this person, if you are already encountering so much drama...

Ladies, your answers lie within your marriages. Fix the problems you have with communicating with your husbands and you will end the problems with your mothers-in-law. 1) Remind your husbands that they agreed to create a home and life with YOU. 2) Ask them to share their personal opinions with you directly if *they* find fault with you in any way. 3) Request that they politely discourage meddling from their moms. Ideally, they should stand up as men and declare that they will run their own lives. 4) If all else fails, sit down with both your spouse and mother-in-law. Explain that although you'd like to please everyone, it's not always possible. You need to run your own lives or there will be no future for your marriage. NO ONE has the right to keep you from your family and if your husband can't stand up to his own mom, he certainly can't make you stay in her company.

Hello all, I am one of the nefarious husbands being talked about in this forum. My wife shared with me these postings and hers regarding issues with her MIL. Yes it's true I love my Mother a great deal. I also love my Wife beyond what mere words can express. She is from a very large family and I am not. It has always been the 4 us and now we are five. The issues are not so clear cut as they seem, but yes they are issues and my wife is very sad. Both our parents are very loving. However my upbringing is completely different in Europe although I have strong ties with the country I was born in. I hear people saying take a stance. Yes I agree but with diplomacy. No one should have to make a choice regarding their parents. They have earned the respect with all that they have done for us. Yes a man needs to be man, but my challenge is ensure the relationship between my Wife and I is strong in the first place before I can take on this bigger battle. We are still geting used to each other. You may say 4yrs is too long, but for some people this may take longer than others especcially when you take into account our different upbringing. Yes my Mother has made serious mistakes, and I will take care of it. I guess my question respectfully to everyone here is, do I we need to set the ground rules with my mother first and work on getting along with each other after or the other way round?

Thanks everyone