I had that hope for 20 years, they are who they are. Quit waiting for a change that will never happen, You cant change him, he has to want the change. So you think he is going to read a book on how to treat you better, seriously?

Chicken Soup for the Abusive Husband's Soul.

There's no books. If what you say is true, and not an exaggeration, then there no books that will help you. That's the kind of nonsense fat-arsed Oprah is likely to spout, or some two-bit journalist in a women's magazine, but men don't go to books for help. I would like examples, if you can provide them, as to what makes him verbally abusive, lazy and disrespectful, because these things are based on opinion, what you say is verbally abusive, may well be, if given the full picture, justifiable retaliation of abuse he received, but I'm sure we're all supposed to believe that it's just him that's verbally abusive, lazy and disrespectful, aren't we? So could you cite examples, and could you tell me if you're ever verbally abusive, lazy or disrespectful?

i'd read him a line from the punch-you-in-the-balls series.

Examples: When his friends come over, he makes lewd comments about me and makes me feel uncomfortable in front of them. He tells secrets about our sex life that I have repeatedly asked him not to repeat to other people. He allows his friends to make fun of me and make demeaning jokes about me. When we get in fights, he screams in my face and threatens to hit me. For one particular fight, he had played video games for literally the whole weekend when his parents were coming to visit. I work a 60 hour job and go to school, so I asked him to help out around the house. When he didn't, I unplugged the internet and asked him to stop playing video games and get to work. He got right in my face and threatened to hit me unless I turned the internet back on. When I told him I would call the police, he said he would scratch himself up and would tell them I hit him first. Another time I told him I wanted to break up and he screamed obscenities at me in the middle of the night until the neighbors came over. Any time I want to get away from him during a fight, he follows me upstairs and pushes the door open so I can't get away from him. If I do get it locked, he beats on the other side and takes the doorknob off the door. He has never physically hit me, but he scares me. As far as the lazy: as I said earlier, I have a full-time-and-then-some job, I go to school, and I have a physical disability that makes it difficult for me to life heavy objects. He has only four regular chores: load and unload the dishwasher, wash the cars once a month, walk the dogs when I am not around, and take the trash out. He does none of these things; rather he spends his time playing video games or hanging out with his friends next door and drinking. I do all the rest of the chores and his when I can't stand it anymore. The last time I took the trash out, there was mold growing on the bag and it was so heavy I hurt myself. I have many, many more examples, but you probably don't want to read a novel.

As for myself: I am certainly not lazy. I don't think anyone could ever attach that to my name. I have never hit him or hurt him. I have called him names, like lazy, or told him that I deserved better, but I don't think that's abusive, maybe disrespectful. I have only been pushed to this place because I started asking very politely for his help and trying to be very nice about things, but have finally given up. I am at the end of my rope and we all say things bluntly when we've been pushed to our limit. I am not a perfect wife and I am constantly working to be better. But I am to the point that I don't want to be better if he's just always going to be the same. In the end, this is not to judge whether he is really those things or whether I am a good or bad person. I simply want to find some literature that he can read to try and help himself.

BOOKS! schmooks! youre better off out of it girl, youd better get him a book on life after divorce, or living alone!

I don't see a book helping... There is a reason why he is that way. And two sides to every story. I suggest counselling. Im glad however that you are willing to give him a chance. It may actually have nothing to do with his intent on being that way. He may not be able to help it. Has he ever suffered with either addiction or had a head injury? Go to www.Dr.Amen.com. He can help you find out.

Reading books will not help him. Any change has to come from inside and doesn't sound like he wants to change or sees any reason to change. Best to separate yourself from him permanently.

The only thing he might use the book for is to hit you with it. At his age, he won't change.

Whoever does write that book will be an over night millionaire. Get some self respect and walk out of there.

No. I do not have any books that will do that. If he will not change now after listening to you- a million books won't make a difference.

Naively denying reality isnt going to salvage the relationship. Ask him to go to marriage counseling. Set the appt tell him when. If he goes fine. If he doesnt thats your answer to books. Go to therapy by yourself. That's how you handle the reality. Best of luck!