My sons wife constantly gets mad at him because he spends so much time at our house when she wants him home with her. He has always been very close with us. Is she too needy?
by 
Jackson
ANSWERS: 36
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Oooh, a momma's boy, eh?
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Maybe he is. Why is he spending so much time at his parent's home when he has his own family?
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No, I don't think so. If he's old enough to be married, he should be old enough to learn how to properly manage his time. Visiting with parents is great, but he married this woman, so he needs to start acting like it.
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yes he is spending to much time at your house. he shoulde be with his wife or they should go to your house together
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If he married her, let him suffer and hang out with her. Otherwise why did they get married?
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No, from what you have said, I don't get the impression that she is too needy. Once a person marries, their primary relationship is with their spouse...not with their parents. If she is constantly mad that means he is constantly not at home with her. Do they have children? If so, his being away leaves her to solo parent. Do you have some kind special need that he is looking after you? If not, then he is not tending taking care of his marriage.
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Ummm, he's married and has a new family. How much time does he spend with you? and why isn't she there too? I would find it weird if my husband left me at home a lot to go hang with his parents. I would say that unless there is some special circumstances (like he helps care for an infirm relative) then anything more than an hour or so a week, without his wife at his parents' house is probably too much. Of course that's a ballpark, but I wouldn't think it's appropriate for him to spend a lot of time alone with his parents at this stage of his life.
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No. 'For this purpose shall a man LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.' It's time to cut the apron strings.
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Well he got married, he needs to be at his home not your home. Unless he is helping you out with something (and not for excuses), he shouldn't be over more than once a week. Are you competing with his new wife? Your a wife, you should know he belongs with her and not you.
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You risk being an "in-law" problem if you do not allow them to work this out. You might have experienced something like this yourself and if so, know it is not comfortable. As said elsewhere, he has his own family beyond yours right now and probably needs to learn to work this out with it. I do not think you want to enable your son's dependance on you emotionally or otherwise.
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He needs to find a balance to see his family and give his wife enough time. Why isn't she with him when he visits?
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No, I don't think she is the one being needy here..He chose a wife, his place is with his wife..time to wean off of mom and dad and be a husband. If he is spending all of his time at your home, you should explain to him that his place is with his wife. :)
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Absolutely not, she is his wife, he should be spending more time with her...
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yes
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No.
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no and yes i think its fine she wants him home but at the same time she should be more social with his family... my bf and i hid our relationship for the first 5 months finally i told him i had enough that i wanted to be a part of his whole life and his family is a huge part of that and now im very close with them they are family and if they are married it should be that way even more so im only 17 and know you should respect the others family ... family is everything
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If by needy you mean insecure, then yes, she is too needy.
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Why would she have a problem?????? It's only HER HUSBAND!!!!
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No one likes a mummy's boy!!! I like spending time with my in-laws, but if my husband was spending too much time there, I would be about pissy about it too... Maybe you should incourage your son to be spend more time with his wife, after all, he's been spending time with his parents for how many years now? Time to let him go and do his own thing!
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why doesn't she visit you with him, you are her family too. maybe she's not too close with her family and doesn't understand what it's like to have a good relationship with your parents? If I was married and my husband spent alot of time with his family I would be glad, and it's a hell of a lot better than him spending with,oh, I don't know... a hooker! poor thing must feel so mistreated...(see:sarcasm)
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Isn't it a good thing that she wants to see your son so much?
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Maybe she needs help with the kids and maintaining the household and his absence is affecting the balance? I can imagine if he spends all day at work and then spends more time away from home she could be feeling neglected- but those are just my thoughts.
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Why is he not at home with his wife? Do you need to see him that much?
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I am with the wife on this one. A husband and wife should come first in each others lives, and if she is feeling neglected, then he should take heed of that and spend more time with her. If he does not, it will only breed resentment in the future. It is fine to be close to oyur family. I am very much so, but when a man gets married, he leaves his mother and father and she should become the most important person in his life. And vice versa for him too.
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If he chooses to spend more time at your house than his own home, I would suggest they get some counselling. The son doesn't sound to fond of the wife.
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A man leaves his mother and father and cleaves to his wife. If he is spending so much time at your house that it is to the point that his wife is complaining then I would suggest to your son that he do some research into what it means to be married.
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From what I have read here, I would suggest the wife gets a divorce and runs because you obvious still have way to much control over this boy. Your words clearly indicate you disrespect his wife and make him so comfy he stays with you. If my husband went to visit his parents every night before coming home I would pack his bags and tell him not to come home at all. Either we are married or we are not there is no in between. If he has problems with his wife then tell him to go deal with them like a man and stop letting him hide behind you. You should not even be involved in their relationship.
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I am a wife of a husband who spends an inordinate amount of time with his parents. Your question of whether your daughter in law is "too needy" is what is commomly called transference. It is you, the parent of this grown man who is "too needy". You wish to keep your son as yours, and prefer not to share him. You are hoping your son can fill whatever your needs are and care little for what may be best for your son's life. It is both cruel and rather transparent for you to attempt to blame this situation on your son't wife. I'm sure you know what you are doing to your son's marriage, and I wouldn't be surprised it you succeeded. The best I can hope for you is that your son will never wise up enough to know the price he has paid to meet his parent's needs.
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If they're married, it seems like they both should be spending too much time at your house. For some reason she's not with him and that might be the cause for her anger. I don't think he should sacrifice his relationship with his parents but continuing on without changes could affect their marriage.
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Jackson, you persist in asking the same questions in hopes that eventually you will get the answer you want to affirm your perceptions of what is going on. I'm not sure why you are even in this type of forum. Truly, you are not wanting objective input in to your situation. Do you really want your son and daughter-in-law to have a happy marriage? Why not consider trying to be part of the solution rather than attempting to place blame? A spouse should always come before the parents. The "in-law" is simply a legal term. Think of your daughter-in-law as your "daughter" and want only good for her. Your son has taken a wife, and yet does not show in his actions that he knows how to treat his wife. From the rather disparaging remarks you make about your daugher-in-law, it may be your son has learned how to treat women by emulating his father. It's not too late to change that pattern. It may be this is the perfect time he learn that he is to cherish his wife, just as you did or do cherish his mother. Think of your son as your legacy. How he lives out his life is a reflection on those who came before him.
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If she is "constantly" mad, then it must be happening all the time. Maybe she wants him to start being close to his new family too.... It sounds like he should be at home with his wife more often. I do not think she is being too needy, i think she is feeling neglected.
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depends, is he neglecting his marital responsibilities? THEY are in a relationship! If he is not giving her the love and affection that a husband should, then I would say NO she isnt too needy. She is entitled to have a husband. If the family is prohibiting that, then YOU may be to blame when the divorce comes down.
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You will cause the break up of their marriage...send the boy home to his wife and tell him to stay home where he belongs. If not they are headed for divorce court and he will eventually hate you as well. Kick him out the door...tell him he has a home and wife...then tell him to cut the apron strings with you. Refuse to allow him in your home until he properly takes care of his wife and home.
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There is a balance and she comes first or else the marriage with start to take on a different course. When you marry its about starting your own family. Not to cling to your mom and dad but to start your own. Visiting time to time is healthy we all need people and family. But if she is feeling stifled them there is a problem. I had this happen to me and ever sunday we had to go by the inlaws. We had no friends between us and did not go out to dinner or other places so all that existed in his life and mine were his family. It started to hurt our relationship and went down hill. We were young and needed to bond with each other and friends and did not have that. Hopefully you can lead your son in the right way.
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