I am deeply in love with my boyfriend and have been forever. during a rough patch i had a very short drunken affair with another boy. he will never know if i dont tell him. its killing me but i know if i tell him nothing will be the same what should i do?
by 
Anonymous
ANSWERS: 39
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you'll suffer the consequences either way.
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Tell him and beg forgiveness. It's obviously eating you up inside, and you need to do something about this guilt. It takes two to make an affair - and alcohol is not one of the people. You (and he) made a decision. I hope this other cheater is no longer a part of your life, even in your circle of friends. You made your choices, now you have to accept the consequences. It would probably help to tell him what changes you have put in place to prevent such things from ever happening again. For example, have you had alcohol abuse counseling? Best of luck. +2
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Get it out in the open, for while it will get worse quick, it will at least not burden you any more, and you can get over it together. It is better to lose and regain trust than to have trust on false pretenses.
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Should not have cheated in the first place.. You should tell him. If you truly love someone you could never hurt them like that. REGARDLESS of the circumstances.
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it's not gonna be the same anyway because you're keeping something from him and you will be different~ just remember that we are ALL human and we all make mistakes......just be honest~let him know how you feel about the whole thing.....he's gonna have to deal with it in his own way and u will have no control over that; but if ur relationship is strong~he will eventually understand and hopefully trust will grow because u've been honest about something that was very hard to discuss......and like u say: u wouldn't have to.....that will let him know how much u are trying to keep ur relationship honest after a mistake~ chin up girl......i hope everything goes well :)
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I think he deserves to know. You've got to be honest in relationships. It won't be fun to talk about, but hopefully he'll understand, appreciate your honesty, and forgive you. The truth is the only way.
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Don't tell him. What he doesn't know can't hurt him. You are probably wracked with guilt and feel ashamed, but telling him won't make you feel any better - it would only cause trouble and your boyfriend may never forgive you. If you feel you can't keep the secret from him any longer then be prepared for some trouble. If you feel you can live with the guilt, don't tell him.
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Would you want to know if he did the same to you? If the answer is Yes, then you need to tell him. The longer you wait the more it will hurt him when you do. How do you know he won't find out...trust me he will, and the fear of that will drive you crazy. You made the mistake, and you have to take responsiblilty for it. At the very least he will know that you respect him enough to be honest and risk losing him. Many people have been in your situation, and worked through it. Good Luck.
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What's done is done. Don't reck your relationship by telling him. If the affair meant nothing then put it out of your mind. It's over. He on't find out otherwise so try to put it behind you. In time you will feel better. Don't ruin wht you have got because of something that meant nothing. Stop beating yourself up and move on. You can make yourself feel better by asking yourself why you had the affair in the first place...?? Trust me x Good luck
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He is only your BF therefore you are a free agent and you can do as you please as long as it does not physically harm someone else. If you tell your B/F it may cause problems you might not be ready for but to not tell him and let him hear it from else where can be worse. Still you are under NO obligation to tell him anything you do not wish too. What you do is your business even if he is your B/F or for that matter husband.
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DO NOT TELL HIM!!!! That would be a very selfish thing to do just to relieve your own conscience. It's a very, very selfish thing to do. Work it out within yourself by going to confession, or doing what ever you need to do to feel forgiven, but DO NOT TELL HIM and make two people miserable instead of just one.
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Same thing happen to me!!! Dont you dare tell him! i didnt tell mine and plan on keeping it that way! if you tell him, then everything will be over!!!
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I would advise telling him. Everything that you do (in a relationship or other-wise) is like planting a seed. In time, it will come to fruition. Bringing something done in darkness into the light steals its power. Be tactful, be honest (I would suggest highlighting the fact you were drunk), and be gentle. You have to do this because it is the right thing, not to relieve your own conscience. Forgive yourself first, then seek his forgiveness.
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no offense if you were women enough to do this then you should be women enough to tell him before someone else does. wouldnt you want to know if it was him that did it instead of you. its better if you tell him. cause these things have a way of coming out later in the future. be honest with him like you would expect it from him . he maybe mad but at least hell be able to trust you enough to tell you the truth. isnt that what we want when we are being messed around on. maybe hell be mad i know i would be as a women finding out my girlfriend or boyfriend broke the bond. but maybe never know he may forgive you for you telling the truth . just make sure to never make the same mistakes twice. and promise him youll do whatever to make it up to him. if you really love him and want to be with him youll do whatever it takes to make it right by him or her. but cheating or being cheated on is a complicated situation. but it happens we are only humans. god knew when he made us that we would not be perfect. but always being honest will make the situation a lil better no matter the result after telling him.
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Neither one of you need to know what you did when you weren't together. We all have pasts.
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Hm, tough situation, i wouldnt tell him. You love him, he loves you, and telling him would end it all.
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You definitely need to tell him. I have always had a LOT more respect, as well as an easier time rebuilding trust, with girls that admitted their infidelity right away, as opposed to ones who tried to hide or deny it. If you really love each other, it's perfectly possible for you to work through this obstacle.
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if he really loves you u could work it out. if he forgives u work to get his trust back never do it again. thats how u know if the relationship is strong enough
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Forget that it happened. It doesn't mean a thing. It's not worth losing your relationship over. If my ex boyfriend had done that I would rather not have known.
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An english teacher once told the class that its best to not tell wen you do sumthing stupid. If its the past then leave it ther. You kno you wer wrong. Dont do it again. You shouldnt hold things back from your bf, but if you feel that it will ruin things, it might be best to keep it to yourself. That sounds wrong, but jst think it over
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LOOK IVE BEEN MARRIED 22YRS AND I DID THE SAME 2YRS AGO AND IT WAS JUST KILLING ME CUZ HUBBY WAS GONE TO KOREA TO WORK AND I WAS LONELY AND IT HAPPENED ONEDAY AND I COULDNT EVEN SLEEP, BUT I WENT TO VISIT HIM IN KOREA AND I GOT REALLY DRUNK ON NIGHT AND I HAD TO TELL HIM AND BELIVE ME TO ALMOST BROKE US UP BUT WE ARE SO MUCH IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER THAT IT THEN MADE US STONGER AND WE ARE STILL TOGETHER AND EVEN MORE IN LOVE THEN EVER......GOOD LUCK!!
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I know what you are going through. I myself was in this same pickle about 2 years ago. I confessed and told him that I was open to explaining what happened and why I did it. I felt so much better after I told him. And yes, it was never the same after that. but we have more trust in our relationship now than we have ever had before. I love my husband. he knows it.
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I think you need a mans perspective. DON'T Tell him. If you do, he'll be questioning you Forever about it, and you might end up breaking up. Telling him is your way of getting the weight off your shoulders on to his... Not Fair! You screwed up, now step up and bear the burden of your mistake!
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Don't say a word and forget it ever happened.
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Don't tell him. You will have to learn to live the consequence (guilty conscience) of your actions.
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i have the same problem...my advice...dont tell him..it will never be the same...nothing will be the same anymore..even though ur married later on...this soon will always be an issue whenever u both fighting and u have to deal with it. it is much better to deal with ur own guilt than to deal with the taunt all over your life..
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Personally i think that it would b best to tell him!...after all if you don't and he finds out from another source it would be ten times worse put yourself in his shoes..what if he done the same thing to you and some-one told you, you wouldnt't be pleased, more dissapointed in him for not telling you. Am i right? i know thats mabye not what you wanted to hear but i think that a relationship is built up through trust and he will either respect you for being honest with him and try and understand why or need time to get over it!
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i have the same problem...my advice...dont tell him..it will never be the same...nothing will be the same anymore..even though ur married later on...this soon will always be an issue whenever u both fighting and u have to deal with it. it is much better to deal with ur own guilt than to deal with the taunt all over your life..
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Get a single friend to have an affair with him. That way you'll be even. Ewww... that would be SOOoo wrong. Seriously - I would tell him. If it really is "killing you", then that awkward moment of revealation could be just around the corner. eg what if he asks "Have you ever cheated on me?" What will you say? Can you lie to his Face? Telling will make your relationship stronger, better, more REAL. So what did youdo?
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I'm not going to preach to you, all I'm going to do is suggest you do something to help you reach your decision: Reverse the roles, put yourself in his position and his in yours, and be honest with yourself about whether or not you would want him to tell you. Try to be as objective and honest with yourself as you can answering that, and you'll have your answer what to do.
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Honestly i think you should tell him yess he might be mad and upset and say somethings he does not mean. But if he truly loves you and u were goin throug a hard time when it happend he might understand....maby.. But it is much easier to her it from you then for someones to tell you i should know...but if yall and if you do tell him and yall are able to worck it out it will make yall stronger> secisaly every little fight every little thing will make u stonger. just tell him and do if face to face and tell y and the whole story it would be better that way...
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If it was unprotected you have to tell him. Otherwise, if this is something that you know will never happen again no matter how 'rough' things get, I wouldn't say anything. All you would be doing is relieving some of your guilt just to give him doubt. That wouldn't be fair. I would also suggest putting drinking on the back burner if you can't control how much you drink and what you do while you're drinking. If my husband cheated on me, and it was just a one time thing that would never happen again - I wouldn't want to know. Well.. I would WANT to know, but really I would be better off not knowing.
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I guess your not as in love with him as you though, huh? It will continue to "kill you" and guilt you until you tell him. Your going to be living with that feeling until you tell him. In which case, it is in his ball park and if he has any sense will leave you behind.
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alcohol sex on a break does not count so don't say anything and forget it youself...time to move on+5.
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TELL HIM AS IT WILL COME OUT LATER.
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What he doesn't know, won't hurt him! But if its killing you then you need to tell him for your sake, if you can forget it and know that it will never happen again then I go by my first comment!
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I'd tell him, if it's bothering you so much it will have an affect on your relationship. Better to tell and see where you stand from there.
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Since it is bothering you alot, you should tell him. You never know, it could still work out w/you & your b/friend. But you should really think about how much you really do love him.
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Don't tell him. The only person who can benefit from you telling him is YOU. You want to relieve your guilt. That is understandable, but your guilt is your punishment. If you tell him, you are just doing it to make yourself feel better. The only result of telling is that he will be devastated and you will feel slightly less guilty. If you want this relationship to work then you will have to keep quiet. It is your burden to carry.
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