you are obviously not aware of the amount of dead Beat Dads there are in this country. There should be a court order so that everything is done legally and there wont be useless fighting. Some dads do pay without it, but there isnt many.

I believe there's a statute of limitations on declaring him the father and financially liable. AND Maybe he does plan to, but when he gets a new girlfriend, he'll want to stop. With no support paperwork filed, the mother would just be SOL.

I think saying that's the first thing her girlfriends tell her to do is a bit of an exaggeration. However, it SHOULD be a huge concern. The amount of deadbeat dads is quite staggering, and going through the court is just assurance that she'll get what she deserves.

Why take a chance? Isn't he "supposed" to be there helping to raise the kid? Vindictive or not, the mother is entitled to financial support for their child. Nothing necessitates her waiting for him to do the right thing.

Because plans, don't pay the rent, or buy groceries, and that kid needs to be cared for 24/7, whether the father's plans work out, or not.

I took a chance with my ex. He adored our son. We have joint coustody and everything. I haven't seen one cent. Same thing happened with my father and several other friends. It is good advice, no matter how well you know or trust the ex.

There are a lot of guys that you think are good guys but refuse to pay child support. There are women who try to take advantage of the father by getting too much child support (and not supporting the child with it). Honestly, a court order is a good thing for both parties. Makes the man pay and keeps the woman from taking advantage.

You know, I refreshed a couple times to make sure this answer didn't post so I posted it again, low and behold there it was...already posted. sorry for the double.

The world is full of people who are prone to making accusations without getting to know the whole story first. The world is full of people who like to point the finger. The world is full of people who want to blame whoever they think is the cause of the problem without putting themselves in the very person's shoes that they are making an accusation about. The world is full of rumours, gossip, drama, lies, deception, and talking through the grape vine. The world is full of people who assume things and nosiness. Are we ever going to get away from those kinds of people? I doubt we will .... not in this world anyway. We better take a look at ourselves and ask ourselves if we listen to gossip and lies and contribute to making up stories that satisfy us, though, just to make sure we aren't being hypocritical. Well, that's what I think anyway. Then again, my thoughts may not reflect reality, and I could be completely wrong. For me, I'd probably wonder why the guy ran off in the first place. Was it because he didn't want the responsibility? Was it because she contributed to it? Was it because he just wanted to get laid and didn't think of the consequences of the actions he took? Did they use a birth control, so he assumed birth control always works 100%, so therefore, accused her of cheating on him, even though the child is indeed his child? Does he feel like she's ignoring him because she's pregnant? Is the real problem that they do not communicate with one another effectively? There are a lot of possibilities, and there are times when we just don't know. In the end, is it really anyone's business but theirs?

Because most men do that- But then again, maybe we think like that because it is so much easier to focus on the negative?

If you have ever seen the statistics, you'd know. Plus I've just had friends who chose the "winners" and know that they were not going to pay without force. It's true that not ALL guys are like that- but it's easy to feel like you're going to be cheated, especially if the relationship ended on bad terms.

i love this question because this is exactly what im going through right now. well i think you should talk to the father first and tell him that he needs to keep helping out with the child(ren). but then again there are those that think they don't have to help anymore.If he says that he is not going to help you after you talk to him then there is nothing else to do but put him on child support.plus that child is also their responsibility, you did'nt make that child by yourself now did you? Maybe that's why your friend's first advice is "put him on child support."

The dude doesn't give a rat's ass about being there for his own kid emotionally and is perfectly fine with *maybe* visiting every now and then when it's convenient...what on Earth would make you think the irresponsible poor excuse for a parent WOULD plan on monetary support?

I know what you mean. When I seperated from my ex wife many years ago her sister kept pushing her to take me to court for shild support even though every single pay day I was there with near 300.00 I got paid every 2 weeks then. About 2 or 3 month after I left I got served with a summons to appear in court not only for child support but spousal support as well. See for the 10.5 years we were together she worked a total of about 4 months and that was prior to getting pregnant with our son. I never forced the issue of her going back to work after my son was born because I was making an ok living and didn't really need her money. Anyhow long story short A woman hearing examiner denied her request for spousal support based on there was nothing either physically or menatlly wrong with her to keep her from getting off her ass and getting a job and after everything was taken into consideration in my situation she ended up with about 75.00 less every 2 weeks in child support than what I was already giving her. Serves her right for trying to be such a b**ch

Because women have gut instinct ... You rather go through child support and know that money is comeing for sure than haveing to waite on him and maybe giveing excuses ...and if you do take that route meaning no child support make sure he gives you money orders TRUST ME

glad I got my vasectomy at age 20. no way i want to spend money on a rugrat or a broad.

Granted, there are plenty of responsible fathers out there, but there are also alot of deadbeats. It is the mother's priority now to be able to support her child(ren) and she must do what is necessary to do that.

coz he left if he cared he would stay

I think it is because most men don't plan to do so. The ones that will walk out like that usually don't. It's kind of a safety net for the woman. There is that reason and than there are just those that want the money from the man. Thats just my guess.

that's not necessarily true it would make sense it I was married for 10 years and things weren't working out and my husband and I split up, I know he would take care of things but child support can't always be agreed upon

Insurance.

Thanks for asking this question. The 18 answers so far just prove how little people understand about these types of situations and how wrong the statistics are. It is unfortunate that these so called "deadbeat dads" have nobody to stand up for them. I know, because I would have been another one of these statistics if I had not been willing to put up with daily torture for several years to keep my son. All this solely due to the piss poor laws in place for custody and child support. Even when a father is married to the mother or the situation is a little more "standard", the father is much less likely to obtain any kind of reasonable custody agreement. Believe me, these "deadbeat" dads that don't pay child support are likely doing that just to rebel against the bullshit system. I bet the statistics don't take into account how many dads buy the kids things "under the table" and/or pay for things without declaring it to the state... Go ahead and rate me down, I don't give a royal shit. Oh, and don't forget the negative impact on the children in the situations where their parents are better off apart than together... My son is still suffering from the mental damaged inflicted by his mother.