I have to be honest here. I don't see the problem. Many kids that age have 'girlfriends' or 'boyfriends'. I did. We walked to class together, held hands, and wrote our names on each other's notebooks. Sometimes we went to the Dairy Queen for a Blizzard. You may be right that she is too young to know what she wants, but I don't see the problem in letting her find out. We learn what we want in a relationship through trial and error most of the time. The best way to approach this situation is with calm and understanding. Simply ask her what's going on in her life. She's not going to tell you about her life if she doesn't feel safe to do so.

Well, first of all, I'd say not to be too "nosey". It's ok to ask questions about friends and such, but you don't want her to feel you're invading her privacy or being overly invasive. That might push her away. Just let her know she can talk to you and ask for your advice, and that you won't judge her. It's tough on us parents that kids seem to be growing up quicker and quicker. I certainly don't like it! And if your daughter's heart gets broken, treat it like any other broken heart! She might not know what she wants yet, but she needs to figure that out for herself. Chances are it's some sort of phase...it seems that it's cool now to be gay. So, just let her know you're there to talk to and that even though you are a parent, you'd still like to be included in her life! lol And make sure she's learning the birds and the bees at home and not from other kids....you never know what kind of nifty advice they'll get there!

Im 14 and bi. So im around her age. But...I say let her find out on her own. Make sure she knows she can come talk to you about anything. Say one day "so.. anyone you like at school?" casually bring it up. and if she is comfertable enough maybe she will talk about it. but honestly i say let her do what she wants. She will figure out on her own what she wants.

forget it

Well I'm old fashioned no doubt, but I really don't think a 12 year old should be seeing anyone as more then a friend. I know it is very normal for young girls to be very close. So it is probibly nothing. But I would definitly talk to her, not accuse her, but find out where her head is. It is possible for children to be inflenced especially at an age where they have such little life experience. I know, I know... not popular to say, but people can be swayed, I have seen this happen, a close friends daughter went from being straight to gay to straight again. You are talking about children here and you have a right to know what she is doing. She is at a very vunerable age, and you wouldn't want either of these girls convincing the other they are something they are not. nor would you want either of them doing anything they will eventually feel uncomfortable with. Ok everybody go ahead with your minus points.

If you suspected she was pursuing a boy would you feel the same way? If she is seeing a girl let her approach you when she is ready to. 12 isn't too young to understand attraction. It is too young to fully grasp a relationship.

At that age girls form strong friendships as well as explore the beginnings of romantic relationships. My oldest is nearly the same age and as she approaches puberty the one thing I've noticed is her increasingly 'spreading her wings' and testing the water with relationships. Part of growing up is learning what she wants, so let her learn. If you think things are getting too serious too soon, encourage her to plan outings with groups of friends, instead of just one.

i went through the same thing girls do it coz lads like it i wudnt worry about it at all she will grow out of it unless she is gay and then well shes gay xxx

Maybe try talking about sexual orientation with her. Not specifically about her situation but make sure she is aware than different people like different people. Make sure she knows that you're ok with gay relationships. Then if she IS or if she feels that she is, she will feel comfortable coming to talk to you about it all. At the end of the day, let her experiment. I remember doing so when I was about 8 or 10 - never kissing, but I did get naked with a couple of little girls on occasion and we frocklied about, compared 'bits', etc. Hey, at least she can't get pregnant.

According to me the best thing is to advice her personally & make her understand the the consequences of having gay relations at very young age.

Be a parent, take control of the situation. Most parents wouldn't even let their children date boys at 12, let alone another girl.  Don't be afraid to take charge and be a mother, not another one of her little friends. 12 is far too young for her to know what she wants in life.   Protect your child, for crying out loud, and tell her what she can and cannot do. When she is much older she can make her own decisions.

If I were you I would buy a bunch of romantic straight movies and have her watch them so she'll see her need for a man. I got suspended from Yahoo Answers because I gave my thoughts concerning this subject. I'll be a bit gentler. Homosexuality and lesbianism is a learned behavior. Your daughter is still very young and what she chooses will be largely dependent upon your influence on her.

Just let her.You wouldn't say the same thing if she went out with a guy.

Honestly my biggest fear is that my daughters come home pregnant. In this case I'd be WAY more apt to do nothing. That may seem kind of messed up but teenage pregnancy can do a lot of damage to thier future. I think that if boys couldn't get girls pregnant then I'd be more apt not be be so strict with them.

I personally don't see why you need to approach the situation at all. How do I know you're not assuming things just because she hangs out with one of her friends? Does it mean I'm a lesbian/bisexual if I hang out with girls most of the time I hang out with other people, and the same ones? No. I'm straight. Anyway, I do need more details.

You almost answered it for yourself she is too young to know what she wants. So if you try to push her in either direction you could damage her emotional status &/or psychi. You best bet is to let her know that you love & support her no matter what this will show her that she can come to you with her feelings and problems. Keep abrest of her feelings and her actions because though this relationship may not be harmful some actions and pressure from others can be. support her but warn her of consequences of actions.

Just tell her she's too young to start dateing, that cancels out her "seeing" anyone. Age 12 really is too young to be involved with anyone, anyway.

I suggest that you talk with your child before jumping to the conclusion that she is gay. This friend may just be a best friend and nothing more.

Im going to give you this straight, its alright for your daughter to be seing someone of the same gender, there are no laws to forbid it, the girl shes seing might be just friends...talk to her about it in a calm and sivilised manner

1. Do not assume that your daughter is actually dating a girl in school, they could be just friends. Unless you have actual proof that they're dating, please stop being nosy. Or if your daughter told you. 2. You might not know your daughter nearly as well, or else you wouldn't imply that she's too young for her to know what she wants.

As a gay man myself, it's (sometimes) normally the father that doesn't handle their son being gay, the same with mothers and daughter. Sit down and talk with her, what harm can it do? I told my mum when I was 19, to my surprise, mum said she always had a fair idea that I was gay, and that she didn't care if all 4 of her sons were gay. Get where I'm coming from? Ask her, There's nothing wrong in asking.

This is probably just a phase, but you can just ask "So how are things at school?" or "How's your friend so-so..?" just to see if she would say anything openly. Make sure she knows she can come to you to talk, and I'd just sit back and watch, maybe you're over analyzing.

You are absolutely right, she's too young for any type of relationship. Tell her to focus more on her grades and less on dating, she has plenty of time for that.

You need to find out tactfully just what is going on first. It might not be anything beyond the two girls just being good friends. If it's the town gossip who told you, then I wouldn't listen to her.

Watch her closely first. If she emails this girl, read her emails. You have the right to. Check what she's been looking at on the Internet. You can look at the history. Ask teachers of her behavior towards this girl. After getting enough information, if you conclude she is seeing this girl, sit her down and ask her directly. Listen to her, let her speak. Tell her you are okay with those types of relationships but you want her to think through this decision. Remember, though, even 12-year-olds can know exactly what they want. Do not confuse that with what you want.

I think that approaching her directly is the best way to go about it if you are that worried about this relationship. but personally I wouldn't be concerned about it. She is going through an experimental stage and she is just trying to find herself. I have actually been in the same situation as your daughter, when I was 11, I was in a 'gay relationship' with another girl, but now I am straight, I was just finding out what was there, experimenting

I don't see a problem with it as long as the other girl is the same age. They can help each other to figure out what is right for them. If it is a boy I would say no for the simple fact that boys are more aggressive and forceful and she could wind up pregnant.

Quite clearly, you are not as ok with homosexuality. Since you would not have asked 'I have a 12 year old daughter who I think is seeing a boy in her school, how do I approach this situation, I'm ok with straight relationships but I think shes too young to know what she wants.' Leave her be.

you should be more concerned that your 12 yr old daughter is seeing someone SHE IS 12... maybe you should spend more time parenting and less time on the computer since you have issue with both of your children...wake up

Surely there just good friends no need to worry

aren't you hiding your homophobic tendencies behind the child's age.....why didn't you just say you suspect your 12yr old is seeing someone...was it necessary to qualify the relationship the way you did?

I was a 12 year old girl who realized that she was in love with another girl. It was a good and age-appropriate experience for both of us. Although I did think in sensual terms, there was in inappropriate touching, sexual activity, or sexual language. We simply loved each other like many girls and boys fall in love. Since we were in different school systems and we were pretty discrete about it, it was not disruptive to our school lives and other school friendships. I would handle it much the way you would handle any daughter's possible romantic attachment at that age. I would try to assess the nature extent of the relationship in an open and accepting way. It might be difficult for you or your daughter to distinguish between a romantic relationship and a friendship, because many girls form intense friendships with other girls at this age. However, I would handle either case much the same way as many of the issues are the same. Make sure that the relationship is not so exclusive that other girls (or boys) are cut out. It is really important for other social relationships to be maintained. You can certainly insist that she spends time with other kids and that they don't have excessive private time together, no matter what they bonds are. Maintaining social life with other kids is extremely healthy and important. Make sure that it is OK for them to acknowledge their feelings for each other, but don't try to box them in to narrowly defined relationships like lesbians, or bi, or even simply loving each other. I don't think that those categories are very appropriate at that age, and labeling them could actually be harmful. Kids that age are experimenting with who they are, and the fundamental nature of their relationship is naturally fluid at that age. Whatever they feel about each other may not fit easily into a box today, and they may feel very differently tomorrow! I think that most parents would agree that sexual activity is inappropriate at that age. It is OK to acknowledge their feelings, but you should be open with her and make sure she knows that feeelings are not a good guide for action. Good luck to you, and I hope that your daughter enjoys her friendships and loves throughout her life.

She's only 12, I wouldn't worry. There's an extremely small chance that this person will turn out to be the one she marries. Let her do this and let her figure out on her own if it truly is what she wants or if it's just a phase. She'll realize it herself in time.

would you approach the "situation" if you thought she was "seeing" a guy at school? if she is gay, she will tell you after she has figured it out and is ready to tell you.

i am ok with gays too although i am not gay myself it is their business what they do but I believe 12 is way to young I would talk to her and it is possible they are just friend when i was 16 yrs old I had a best friend i wasn't sexual with but we were always together my dad made a comment about us being gay I think a lot of parents wonder that because in todays society it is becoming more and more common

it sounds to me like you are worried that if she has a relationship with this girl, she may "choose" to be gay, and that you feel she is too young to make that decision. People do not choose to be gay. They are born that way. Perhaps maybe you should read up on the subject.

HARD HARD HARD! The truth of the matter is she may well know what she wants. Work on communicating your acceptance, regardless of her sexuality. What you DON'T want is for her to be afraid to talk with you!

these day kids know more about sexw she is older enought to be telled or ask what she likes or what she doesn't she is 12 going on the 13 ever since i was in 5 6 they was the word sperm or any related term in my class scince book . so i would say you should talk to her about this.

Nearly all 12 yr old girls hang out with other girls, some of them are closer friends than others,very few hang around boys at that age,they are just not interested in them,they start that at about 13 or 14 that does not make them lesbians or gay. Stop worrying about your daughter and let her grow up,let her know that you are there if she wishes to talk to you,the girl that she sees at school is probably just a good friend,so don't go asking awkward questions,you might embarrass yourself and loose her confidence,I experimented with other girls at her age, and none of us turned out to be lesbians.

let her experiment, she may be too young to know what she wants. but accepting it and just letting her experiment will help her figure out what she wants =]

I doubt that she is too young to know what she wants. Very rarely is one too young to know what one wants.

Girls at that age are not really at the true sexual attraction atage. They are just experimenting. In general, they are just "play-acting" at dating. It is something they are aware older people do, but there is no sexual aspect in it, it is normally about friendship and likeing the person, so if she is dating a girl, it just means they are close friends. It is absolutely normal for girls to develop extremely close friendhsips with - and even strong crushes on - other girls at that age. Even crushes are not necessarily sexual as you may remember. My first was when I was 9 and I was madly in love with him - but apart from being incredibly drawn to him I never had any other thoughts. At 12, I was first exploring my 'sexuality' with other girls. We used to touch each other "down there" - with panties on - seeing if it felt good - and cuddle up to each other. But I wasn't really sexually aware - I had never experienced an orgasm - we were just curious about the adult world. That we messed around with each other and had very close friendships certainly didn't mean we were lesbians. By 14, I was definitely interested only in boys. For many girls, these close "friendships" or even "dating" other girls is just a stage in growing up, before they gain an interest in the opposite sex. It does not mean that she is being coerced into being a lesbian, or having her head turned, or doing anything wrong - anything of that sort. The first time I had a crush at 9 - it was the electrician who was rewiring our house oddly enough - it was completely innocent on my part. I knew I wanted to be around him but I didn't know why. My mother had noticed and decided to broach the subject with me. In front of my Dad, she said she thought I was "a little bit in love" with this guy. I was horrified. I hadn't thought about it, it wasn't sexual, it was just a bit of magic. By putting her adult connotations on my life, she absolutely destroyed the magic for me and made it dirty and adult. She destroyed the innocence and I still feel hurt she did that now, because it was not her business to do it. Just leave her to do her growing up on her own. It is entirely possible that she will turn out to be a lesbian. But if she did, that would be to do with her own innate sexuality, and not because her head had been turned by dating a girl at 12. Most likely, within a year she will be interested in boys like I was. When girls first start to become physically aware, they often turn to girls first, who are less scary and alien than boys. The vast majority of these girls go on to be straight.

At 12 years old she is far too young to have relationships of ANY kind, whether it's a lesbian or hetrosexual one makes no difference, she should wait until she's at least 15 for any kind of relationship.

I'm 15 and I've known I was gay since I was in 2nd grade. I had the biggest crush on my teacher. Anyway, I came out to my parent when I was 13, though I had been having a mind battle as to whether to come out earlier. My parents also said that they thought I was too young to know what I wanted, and it hurts me everyday. I probably sound like a drama queen, but ever since then, they have been pushing me to God and to places where if people knew my sexuality I would be looked down upon. I feel bad because I'm trying to change myself for them. I embraced God with open arms and I doubt he cares I'm gay. I have no idea why I'm babbling about my story... Anywhoo... If your daughter is having a relationship with another girl. Ask her. Stay calm. And don't be small minded, please.

she is at a dangerous age and is curious......girls that young like girls......i don't know how much you communicate with her, but, you need to talk to her...i wish you luck.......

talk to her and no i think that 12 isnt too young aslong as she knows exactly what shes doing

Look at it this way, she's way too young to be "seeing" anyone, to be in a relationship, or to be dating. I told my kids they had to be 16 before they were allowed to date, and I told them that from an early age, so they understood what was expected of them. My daughter told me later that she really appreciated it because girls pass through some very confusing times, and she found it reassuring that she didn't have to think about these things until she was older.

Encourage a friendship but let her know that she's too young to be in any "relationship" with anyone regardless of gender.

Ofcourse she is, but she will have to find out herself. If you will be interfering everytime she will be far from finding out what she and her environment is about. I know you want to protect her, but do not forget you look at the world way differently. You know things of the world, she does not know yet and you should not influence her view on the world if not necessary. Trust me I would want to interfere too, but it is not the solution.

Well, that's the thing. She's young and maybe doesn't know what she wants so she is trying to find out. I would just let her do that.

dont make her feel uncomfortable dnt be like my mom like she was wit my sister she said eww gays r4 nasty an she never new one of her kids were gay so my ssiter never told my mo bcuz she was scared she wouldnt be excepted its hard 4 kids to come out of the clost trust me becuze of wat people say get a myspace an add her if she has one pay attetion to her statuses an c if shes talking bout a girl dnt be nosey though im 15 my sisters 13 she just turend 13 an once u go gay at 12 its useally 4 life

I would sit down and have a talk with your daughter. Tell her have some concerns and address them in a calm, open, non-accusatory way. Explain that you are okay with such a relationship if that's what's happening, but that she should keep her mind open just in case. Then ask for her thoughts.

This is not a gay realationship this is a lesbian realationship.

Old question, reoccurring challenge! I don't believe that 12 is too young to feel a type of love. However, I DO believe that 12 is too young to consider ACTING on those feelings. Children lack the life experience to know how to emotionally handle an adult love. They are completely incapable of accepting the responsibility that comes with adult love, heck, there are 20 year olds who are not up to the full challenge, 40 year olds too in all fairness! I'd keep it calm, low key and as non-accusational as possible! But I DO believe and support that you have a right to know, what is going on in your child's life...that's your JOB as the parent! Invite the friend over for dinner, become part of some of the time they spend together, get to know both of them and how they interact together...this is one way to get some clues as to how they see their friendship. It also gives you an opportunity to talk, share ideas, influence them both. Supporting the friendship while helping them to realize that these are the days they need to focus on school work, innocent fun, learning life skills, and being kind to others around them. I would tell ANY child of mine, that 12 is too young to be experimenting with Adult behaviors of this type. NOT because I don't respect their feelings or their right to have feelings, but because they are not fully prepared to deal with the responsibilities that come WITH THOSE FEELINGS! This is pretty much what I told our son, when he had sex ed in Jr High, and came home with a gazillion questions.... I am not with you all of the time, you are growing up. The most important thing for you to do is to NEVER have sex without using protection, because there are a lot of nasty diseases out there and you can easily catch one. HIV will become AIDS and AIDS WILL KILL YOU. We would rather you wait until you are older, because sex comes with a LOT of responsibilities. Not just being safe, but EMOTIONAL RESPONSIBILITIES! How will you deal with a girl believing she loves you and you only wanted sex, and now she is hurt, angry, broken hearted? You have to decide what sort of man you want to be, selfish, or considerate? And what sort of girl do you want to be with? Sex is very personal, private, intimate...do you want to be sexual with a girl, who is happy to do it with any guy that asks her? It's a lot to think about, and I don't think you are old enough to have to think about it right now. What do you think? (he agreed) He also waited until he was 21 before he allowed himself to become sexual with a woman.... Oh and I am a lesbian...