My sister in law lost two, it was extremely hard to watch her deal with it.

You realize that you have no other option besides bearing the pain..I don't mean this to sound cold, but, what choice is there..it does not go away, you just learn deal with it and go on. I wish I could tell you something more, but I can't.

I don't know how to help you. I wish I did. All I can do is offer my deepest sympathy and concern. I haven't lost a child myself, and I nearly stop breathing at the very thought of it. Please seek the help of a counselor or psychologist. Try to get sleep and exercise, and eat a balanced diet. I know that all sounds silly right now, but it's so important. You must take care of yourself. Let your loved ones help you, let yourself pour it out to them, as often as necessary.

Havent, but I'd probably get a tattoo in rememberance

I haven't yet to be honest:) But I feel like I am losing my oldest one..she is 13!:) God bless Her:):) Sometimes I feel like I am losing control of my 9 year old:):) And then half the time I feel like I am losing my 3 year old:):) I feel like they are growing up to fast and I can't keep up!!:) And Shammer I don't have the answers but as a mother I can understand:):):) I don't know how you would deal with it..I just pray for strength to keep going:):) That's all you can do:)

Hi Shammer, I'm not a mother (or father for that matter), but felt compelled to write. I just felt a need to extend my condolences. Doing what you are doing at this moment (being here) is therapeutic in itself. Exercise is a great coping method. Definitely counseling. Hang in there. So sorry!

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm not a mother yet so I haven't lost any children all I can say is to pray. And time really does help, believe it or not.

I JUST LOST MY 26 YEAR OLD SON ON DEC 5 2008.IT IS THE MOST UNBEARABLE THING I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE. HE WAS MY FIRST BORN TOO.YOU HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING YOURSELF THAT YOU WILL SEE HIM AGAIN.I STILL HAVE 2 OTHER CHILDREN LEFT.EVEN THOUGH I FEEL LIKE ICANT GO ON IHAVE TO BE STRONG FOR THEM.

IAM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AS WELL.MY SON WAS KILLED IN A MOTORCYLE ACCIDENT. I ALWAYS TOLD HIM I LOVED HIM.BUT I DID NOT GET TO TELL HIM THAT DAY.AND IWISH I COULD HAVE TOLD HIM ONE LAST TIME BUT IN MY HEART IKNOW HE KNEW. .GOD BE WITH YOU. YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS.

I lost my son, Chris on 6/1/2008. I, too, felt unbearable pain localized in my chest area. I also felt like someone was choking me. I spent the first 3 months really, REALLY wanting to die. The next 3 months I realized I wasn't going to die from the pain of losing him but I wasn't too happy about having to still be alive (or pretend to be, anyway). I see a grief counselor every 2 weeks and recommend that highly to you. I also read every freakin' book I could on losing a child, life after death, the grieving process, etc. There was a website I found helpful, beyondindigo.com. It does get easier though...although you doubt it now. The chest pain lasted about 1 1/2 - 2 months, it has subsided now...along with the choking sensation. I, also have a strong faith and know that there is a reason that Chris left before me...even if I don't understand it now, I know I will once I "get to the other side". I feel my son and hear him...although the first few weeks it was much stronger. I kept hearing him say, "I'm sorry, Mama. Don't cry, Mama." (He was 28 and his death was due to aspiration after a day of drinking with "friends".) This is the first time I've written anything on the net regarding his death but I wanted you to know firsthand that you will survive. It does get easier. Learning to laugh and live again doesn't mean you've forgotten him...although I'd say my (usually outgoing) personality has changed significantly. I will pray for you, dear sister. You have joined the club that no one wants to be in...you are a parent who has lost her child.

So sorry for your loss. I don't have any children but our cousin just committed suicide a week before thanksgiving. He was only 19 years old. His mother is truly living a nightmare, she tortures herself daily because she believes it's her fault he did it. I'm not sure if she will ever recover, she's taking anxiety pills so she doesn't cry all the time. I know everybody says this but I do believe it will get a little easier in time, it also helps to remember the good times. You should join a support group for mothers who have lost children or talk to a therapist. I really do feel for you and your family......

That's awful, I'm very sorry! A friend of mine had a son who died unexpectedly and the last words he said to her were" I thought I could tell you anything" because they had just gotten in a fight. She will never fully recover but she has a strong family so I'm hoping that will help. I read where you said you told him you loved him right before he died, that is great and maybe it can make the pain a little easier, also try to think about the time you had with him and be happy for that. . It may not help yet but the years you had with him were very special and no one can ever take that away, you will see him again one day, so sorry that had to happen.

i lost my oldest child, a teenager, ten years ago. it nearly killed me. i kept a journal, talked with a grief counselor, joined an online support group, http://www.groww.org/ the best advice i would give to any mother going through the hell of losing a child is don't contemplate the impossible challenge of living without your child. you are going to live the rest of your life without your child, but you don't have to live that lifetime, today. just get through this day, this hour, this minute. i have a ring, engraved with my son's name, that i wear continuously, it comforts me. i donate to children's charitable organizations every year, in his name, it comforts me. i light a candle next to his picture, in memory of the joy he brought to my life, it comforts me. i tell him i love him, it comforts me. we have a beautiful tree, planted in our yard, in his memory, it comforts me. this horrible moment will pass, when the immediacy of his death fades, but you will ALWAYS be his mommy and he will ALWAYS be your son.

I'm so sorry for you loss of your son Chris. I just lost first born, my son Steven on 10-27-08 he had just turned 31 on 9-11-08. I can't explain how I feel, it's like there's nothing inside me, like my heart is gone. I cry all the time.How do you get over the pain and sick feeling?Do you think a grief counselor will help. As my son how say LIFE!!

there is nothing that you can do. the pain will always be there. the only thing i can say is the pain does lessen over time, you will always rember when you lost the baby and when the child should have been born, it will kill you sometimes but it will get better over time.

I am so glad that you posted this question/comment. I have recently lost my son on 1/23/09, he was a cancer patient and had been through so much in the last two years of treatment. He is 10 I say "is" because I can still feel him here with me not physicaly but I get the feeling like he is playing in his room every now and then. When I am balling my eyes out I think I hear him telling me "mom its ok im not sick, it is ok". I know that he is my angel and he is in such a better place. I have 3 other children that have been my reason for living. Although at times I do have the thoughts of just being with him... I just want to be with him not him with me! I want to be there with him to feel the peace the love the joy that he feels and what he will feel for eternity! What a mother wouldn't do to have her angel back! Some days are good some are bad, but i know that I have to Live Laugh and LOVE!! Our children would want to see all of us LIVE LAUGH and LOVE

A father not a mother who lost a child. You never get over it but you can get used to it. Frankly, if you are a person of faith, that makes a big difference. Even if not, do what you need to: talk about him/her.   I personally have to talk about my daughter, even if it makes people uncomfortable. I figure no matter how awkward they feel, I feel worse. Plus, I find that if I'm OK to talk about her, they are too. And most people are compassionate enough to listen.

Shammer, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I've linked Rollie to the question someone just posted on your behalf and I'll link him here too. He is the only person I know of who might be able to help. He is going through the same thing. No one can understand like someone who has walked in your shoes. I can help parents of children with cancer, but this is out of my league.

Honor them, cherish their memory, know they are out there still loving you and waiting to see you again one day. NO one in the world has suffered more pain, heartbreak and anguish than a parent who has a lost a child. NO ONE. It is the worst thing that can happen to you. I have friends that have lost children and I keep them in my thoughts and prayers always. I call, or write the parents on their child's birthday or special holidays, just to let them know I remember them, and love them. Share pictures and special stories, that means a lot to the parents. You were given a special gift, an angel, that was with you for too short a time. You will see them again one day. Your spirit will heal and soar. Live a life full of love now, for them and their memory.

Dear Shammer,I too lost my first born Son,Joshua at the young age of 28 on June 8th ,2008. He became ill and I took him to the emergency room on May 5th and he was diagnosed with advanced Cancer of the lungs,I watched my Son gasp for breath and die for over 4 hours,The worse day of my life !! He was brave and tried to live,he called out for me to help him once,but there was nothing for me to do but stand there and hold his hand. I am so sorry for your loss and I do know how you feel,You NEVER get over it,you will feel better for awhile,then it all comes back again..over and over..God Bless your broken heart & pray for mine if you will..I love you Joshua,forever your Momma

I am so sorry to hear of your loss shammer, it is the most unberable pain any one could endure, the loss of your child is beyond comprehension. I have not lost a child, however quite a few of my friends have. One of the ladies, lost her 18 year old daughter to cystic fibrosis, that was aboaut 2 years ago, the pain was immense. The suffering of her beautiful daughter for her entire life was also unberable, cystic fibrosis is such a cruel life sentence. When Jennys daughter died, she said she had lost her soul mate:( I think the only thing to know, is time will ease the pain, .

Hi, I lost my 23yr old son in Jan 08 from sudden adult death syndrome. Our lives changed forever, as you know the pain is unbearable and still is to this day. For the first 8mths all I wanted was to be with him and the only way I could cope was by taking it one hour at a time. Somehow you get the strength to carry on, the pain never leaves you, but you get better at coping with it. We are now in a club that that nobody would ever want to be. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself as your child is with you always in spirit and only wants the very best for you.

Sudden Adult syndrome is usually where a young adult dies suddenly for no apparent reason. Usually a post-mortem result shows up nothing. they liken it to cot death in infants. Unfortunately before Marks death we knew very little about it, we now realise it is happening to several families in Ireland and the UK every day. Did your son have a post-mortem? The only thing we can cansole ourselves with is that there is nothing we could have done to prevent it. Take care.

I'm not a mother who has lost a child, but I am a father who has. My daughter died almost 2 years ago, just 24 days after her second birthday. How do my wife and I cope with the pain? Quite honestly, you live minute by minute, then hour by hour, then day by day. Some days will be much harder than others. Sometimes, the stupidest things will make you cry - a song on the radio, a butterfly, a child crying in a store. Other days, you'll be able to talk about your child and laugh at the things he or she did. Talk about your child. When you're ready, let those around you know it's okay to talk about your child. The worst feeling is that somehow, people will forget. We also started a foundation in our daughter's name, to assist couples who have problems having a child. So far, we've helped two couples get pregnant (one child is already here) and we have two other couples in the process now, with more on the way. It's a legacy that we hope will continue long after we're gone.

My husband and I unexpectedly lost our 15 year old daughter Katie, on the 17 of March. She was developmentaly challenged and had the mantality of a 4 or 5 year old. The only way I can tell you that we are getting through it is by relying fully on the Lord. Jesus has carried us through this. I don't want to come across as a quack but I have to share this with you. I don't think we would have made it even this far without him. We still have bad, bad days but we know that He is always there for us to lean on.

I had a miscarriage quite late in my pregnancy which was very difficult. I always mark the day with a candle and a prayer so my sonwill always be in my heart. He's be 4 if he'd lived. I always think about him, what he would have looked like, what he'd be like.

I'm mot a mother but did lose a child as a result of a medical accident. I talk about her constantly, keep her pictures displayed prominently, still consider her a part of the family, track where she would be in life at this point, and importantly, have faith that it will all work out in time. Having hope makes the pain not unbearable.

I lost my five year old daughter in a car wreck six years ago and though I pretend to have moved on for everyone elses sake I still have the hole in my heart and bottomless pit in my soul I know they say it gets easier but for me she was my life and I'm not sure I will ever be me again I do try everyday to just be normal but it's the little things that get me. I feel for you and your family because unless you have had it happen to you , you have no clue what this does to a mother...

Shammer, you will never get over 'it' - because 'it' is your beautiful beloved son, Chris. However, you will go through this path of grief. You will. You will not be the same but you may find it even more necessary to find meaning in life and in God, and that's not bad, that's good. The pain is almost unbearable at first, but with God's help and the help of even a few kind people, you will keep moving. God did design us to be able to survive. We have it in us. But we are not designed to go through this alone (anymore than we are designed to give birth alone - or pretend that birth is painless.) When people ask how you are, tell them the truth. Say: "My heart is broken". Don't lie. When some heartless idiot compares the loss of your child to the death of their great-grandmother (or their pet or their divorce - or like the mother immediately above to "losing control" of her LIVING children!!!) do NOT accept the comparison as having any value beyond them dumping on you in order to avoid their own pain. Don't take on their anger. Simply say, "Do not compare your loss with mine. It's not the same." and then get yourself to safety in a reliable way (pray, call someone you love, connect with someone). Ask people to use his name when speaking to you. Ask for what you need. It's okay to become an even better Mother now than the lovely Mother you have been to your living son. We are allowed to do that!! That's love for you! It's eternal. It's not your job to cheer anyone up and it's not their job to cheer you up. It's their job simply to bear kind witness to your suffering. When they don't do that, get yourself to safety. Grief counseling does help as do bereavement groups for parents. Don't go to any other kind since you will only be frustrated by people comparing non-catastrophic deaths with your catastrophic loss. Child death is a catastrophic loss, which is why people have such difficulty finding valid ways to support you. Find other parents who have lost children. Really, we are the only ones who understand. Don't start drinking or using drugs to cope with the pain. Your son deserves you right here loving him - not forgetting him in a chemically induced haze. Stay safe and present for those you love (including yourself!). Finally, there is no reason in heaven or on earth for you to stop loving and relating to your son. So don't do that. Remember him and don't let anyone treat your grief like it's some disease you have to 'get over'. Your grief is your sanctuary - it's the best gift you have for honoring Chris and for honoring everyone else who loves him. My heart is with you. I write this in honor of Chris and of my beloved Ben who died very suddenly this June 28th, 2009 at the age of 32. My heart is broken and since my heart is where my son will continue to live while I'm on this earth - until I meet him again after my own death - I will continue to reach out to other Mothers and their children who have died. In this way, the place where my dear son lives in me becomes an even better place.

In the raw newness of my grief, my head is muddled - but not my heart. With that in mind, Shammer and Chris's Mom, please forgive me (and I trust you will) for confusing the names of your children. Shammer, I don't know your son's name, would you care to let us know?

i sorry for to all those who lost a child im 15 and got a little grl and if anything happen to her i wouldn't know what to do

i lost my son 2 years ago he would be almost four now i blame myself even tho i know theres no point i have never talked bout his death because everytime i try i get the same response its been two years now i have a beautiful 5 year old daughter but the fear my sons death has installed in me makes me terrified im gng to do wrong by her i spend every minute of everyday resoning with myslef why not to give up does anybody have these answers and yes the last words i said to my son were angry ones to him and his sister were being stupid and i growled i cant forgive that either

my ange. how old is your child. I lost my boy 4 monts ago, he was 1 year and 4 months old...please talk to me i can help trust me

I just lost from first born son on November 8, 2009. This is my first day actually alone in my house. I don't know whether to sit down, stand up, laugh, cry. The grief is so unbearable I can't even comprehend how I feel. Bradley was 25, born August 8,1984. When he was born I had just turned twenty and that was the first time I ever experienced that kind of love. I have four other children and I know I have to survive and be strong for them but I don't know how I am going to do it. I can barely breathe it hurts so bad. I just want him back.

there where our loves ones are there is no time, we will be with them in a split second, no harm can come to them, only love and hapiness, tiem is man made, and in the bigger scheme of things seeing that the eart is billiions of years old , and if we live for another 50 years , its a millionts of a second in comparison, there is almost no time to miss them , just make the best of your life for what you have left as i am trying to do from now on, if you not happy in live 110% make the change today, tommorow might not be there .